


The Long Days Ahead of Me

by fadedlullabyes



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America Winter Soldier (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal, Clint Feels, M/M, PTSD, Smut, Steve Angst, Steve Feels, Steve loses his shit, Wall Sex, bottomsteve, donttouchtheshield, mild violence, shield angst, switchclint, topbucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2017-12-31 11:09:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 33,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1031000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadedlullabyes/pseuds/fadedlullabyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since Steve Rogers was defrosted he has been protective of his shield; even going so far as to beat anyone who takes it from him. He's not mentally stable and only Clint Barton, the man with the eyes of a hawk, sees that Steve isn't as well as what he's been letting on. </p><p>After a few relapses, Steve is doing better with therapy and then the Winter Soldier makes his move. But there is something haunting about those familiar eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Days Gone By

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a fill for round 16 of the avenger kink prompt. 
> 
> http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/13316.html?thread=31087364#t31087364

It was dark, it was always was when he was thinking about this part. The train was moving slow, like it didn’t have to be anywhere important. The Hydra agent in front of Captain America had gone down easily enough and when he turned to Bucky; to check up on him and to snark, another one took the downed man’s place.

Steve couldn’t do a thing as Bucky picked up his shield and then he was hanging onto the door on the outside of the train in an instant. Sometimes, even with his memory, Steve had problems remembering how it exactly happened. Steve would find himself reaching out of the train to try and grasp Bucky’s hand only to watch in horror as the man fell.

It was always that part where Steve woke up; searching the other side of his bed for Bucky and praying that he was back in his Brooklyn apartment in 1941. But the cool sheets and the windows showing the New York outline and the lights from the busy streets that outlined his profile in the dark of his room. They never failed to bring Steve back from the nightmares and to drive further home the point that he was far from home.

His body would always be outlined in sweat from the dreams. He refused to refer to them as terrors because that would only allow everything else to sink in. The tags around his neck were always cool, no matter how long they rested against his neck. It was a comfort because they were the last thing he owned that had once been Bucky’s.

The blankets that were pooled around his waist were pushed to the side and Steve slid out of bed. He always slept naked because that how he slept with Bucky to stay warm in the middle of the freezing New York winters. They never had a problem around each other, they were best friends since they met at the orphanage and were so comfortable that they didn’t really think about their actions towards each other.

There was nothing familiar in this future.

And that bothered Steve the most since he’d woken up and fought the Chitauri months ago. His little trip around America did nothing to soothe his aching soul and too soon he was back in New York staying at Stark Tower because he didn’t want to stay at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters.

Tony’s invite had been a surprise but Steve figured if he had a floor to himself, then he wouldn’t really have to interact with the others. Steve didn’t mind them but he didn’t want to grow attached to them only to have them ripped away like Bucky. He didn’t handle loss well and while they didn’t know it, Steve sure as hell did.

It still felt like he had lost Bucky only months ago instead of decades. It was a feeling he didn’t like and it frustrated him to the point where he would grip his head and just sit on the edge of his bed and sob. He wouldn’t let the tears fall because that would make everything real to Steve; it would seal what he already knew and had been witness to.

Then after he was done sobbing, Steve couldn’t sleep. He never did and he couldn’t sit in his room because he would be idle and then he would sketch. Steve had sketched the first night after his dreams and they had all been of Bucky and him in various positions.

Their relationship had always been their secret to keep. And even today, Steve was still keeping it. He couldn’t share it with anyone even though the general opinion of such relationships had changed since his time. This was one of the things that Steve just couldn’t relinquish to anyone.

He stood, the blankets falling to the floor almost silently. There was no use in trying to sleep anymore tonight. Steve would only dream about the damn train again and he couldn’t have a repeat of it. The night on the train was one memory Steve had been running from ever since it had happened.

Peggy Carter hadn’t understood why he had taken Bucky’s death so hard and why would she when it was a secret? He hated lying to Peggy and pretending he was at least a little interested in her when Steve had Bucky.

It hurt so much to do that to someone he cared about. But Peggy had always been aware that his heart belonged to someone else even though he couldn’t speak to her about it. She had been a smart woman and supported Steve with no questions asked.

Steve went to his dresser and pulled out a pair of underwear and shorts. He needed to wear himself out physically so he could at least push some of the edge out of his mind. Steve wouldn’t go back to sleep, but he would at least waste some time doing something mundane.

He jerked the shorts on and then grabbed a muscle tank from the next drawer down. Steve was at least thankful that Stark had included a normal dresser and stand for his room. It reminded him of home and while it wasn’t normally a comforted, it was now in the fact that some things still existed in this future that moved much too fast for Steve’s liking.

The halls were silent as Steve slipped silently through them. The gym wasn’t located on his floor sadly enough. He wished that Tony had at least installed one so he wouldn’t have to go stalking through the tower at three in the morning. It wasn’t that he would wake anyone but the other tenants of the building had a messed up sleeping schedule as well.

Small lights lined the bottom of the walls, lighting a path for Steve. He was thankful for them since it meant he didn’t need a flashlight. He made it to the elevator and pressed the button to call it, thankful that past certain hours it didn’t speak.

Soon enough Steve was in the elevator and pressing the panel for the gym. He supposed Tony wanted everyone to interact and so he had main areas that were the team. It still didn’t mean that Steve liked the idea; he was a private person afterall.

The ride down was silent, entirely different from the dream he’d just woken up from. It was soothing in a way because there was nothing here that could remind Steve of the wind ripping past the open door; almost drowning out what Bucky was saying to him.

When the elevator stopped, it didn’t take Steve long to get to the gym. The need to burn out his body was weighing on his mind and he could use the down time from his thoughts. When Steve was outside of the door he could hear someone in the gym already.

It wasn’t unusual for Tony or Bruce to be up at this time in the morning. But Steve wanted to be alone and not share this moment with anyone. But it was either do that or go back to his floors and be alone with the one item that Bucky had last touched.

Squaring his shoulders, Steve opened the glass door and stepped into the gym. It was state of the art with different machines spread throughout the area. But there was one part that was designed for Steve in case he was feeling nostalgic and wanted to feel like he was back in 1942.

Tonight he didn’t want to be reminded as he stayed in the more modern part of the gym and found the elliptical and began his workout. Steve was aware Tony was behind him somewhere but he was probably staying silent because he could see the tension in Steve’s shoulders.

The Avengers had learned Steve’s body language not long after he moved into the tower. He’d been the last one surprisingly enough. The others had gravitated after Tony had first finished renovating the tower and Steve wondered if it was because he had been touring America or if it was because he wasn’t really wanted.

Steve wasn’t exactly the happiest person on earth despite what he might portray. It would only be a matter of time before his team figured out that something was actually wrong with Steve. But for now he would play it off as not adjusting to the 21st century all that well.

With the tutors from S.H.I.E.L.D. and Natasha, Steve was learning but sometimes he would just faked being ignorant because deep down he just wanted to be scrawny Steve again. But the thought of leaving Bucky in Zola’s clutches bottomed his stomach out. There was no way Hodge would have gone after the 107th like Steve had.

That man had been nothing more than a bully during Steve’s short stint in boot camp. He was glad that Erskine had never seriously considered him. Those nights spent drinking in Erskine’s room had been enlightening to Steve and he had learned so much from the man. He knew the path he was taking would lead to something he was destined to do. And Erskine’s faith in Steve was unwavering.

Steve had to distract himself or else he would do nothing but think of his past and only further spiral down into depression. It wasn't something he was used to and he wished to God that he'd just be okay. He resented the helpless feeling of not being able to go on as a normal person.

Having the weight of being Captain America on his shoulders was not helping either. Steve had been careful about answering questions regarding his sexuality. He didn't understand why it was important to his team or to S.H.I.E. L.D doctors. He just told them he wasn't interested in dating and left it at that.

Of course Tony had tried to set Steve up with Sharon Carter and he was positive she had an idea. It was evident in the way she looked at him when he spoke about Peggy when she asked.

It was a can of worms best left unopened as far as Steve was concerned.

"You know most people your age are out enjoying the night life." Tony's voice was teasing and Steve wasn't really up to this conversation.

"And what exactly is my age, Tony?" Steve snapped back, stopping his workout.

“Well, Capsicle, it all depends on how you look at it.” Tony said as he dropped to a seat beside Steve. “Technically, you’re over ninety years old and you certainly act like it. But physically, you’re twenty-seven. Steve, you need to get out into the world.”

“I don’t think I need to do anything, Tony. If I want to go out, I will. I won’t be forced.” Steve’s tone held a tone of finality to it and he couldn’t see Tony’s face. He was stubborn and so was Tony. It was no wonder they clashed so often since they were so different. It had nothing to do with the fact Steve knew Howard; it was a matter of being polar opposites.

“We’re not forcing you, Steve. I’m just saying it might do you some good. I’m not suggesting any place too extreme. There’re a few good sports bars around here that you’d like. They play baseball games.” Tony frowned.

“And when I feel like going out, I will, Tony. Just because I’m adjusting to the 21st century doesn’t mean I’m ready to go out into the world.” Steve growled as he stopped and moved off the elliptical. He was beyond pissed that he couldn’t work out in peace. And he dearly needed something to punch, preferably not Tony because that wouldn’t look good on his S.H.I.E.L.D. records.

“Steve! Wait!” Tony said as he watched Steve stalk out of the room. No amount of convincing would get Steve back into the room to talk this out.

He didn’t want to be pitied; it was something he resented all his life. Especially when he was sickly and couldn’t do much for himself. It hadn’t been his fault that God had given him a frail body. But Steve supposed that in the long run, he needed it in order to stay grounded and to become Captain America.

Steve wouldn’t put up with pity, not even from his team mates. They should have known that by now with the way he reacted to it when he was around them. Yes, the world he’d know was gone as well as everyone he had known and loved. It didn’t mean that he would mourn over them like a normal person because the only person who had mattered to him was Bucky.

When he was in his room again; Steve didn’t really remember the trip there, he picked up his shield and sat on the edge of his bed. The cool vibranium was familiar on the flesh of his hands and it helped soothed him just a little.

He fingered the shield around the edges and then started to turn it. The moon gave him just enough light to see by with the help of the city. No matter how much had changed, New York would be always home to Steve; Brooklyn in particular. He couldn’t help himself when he walked by their old apartment and sat on the stoop just to draw.

There were times he had almost rented their old apartment out just so he could pretend for at least a little while that everything was as it should have been. It wasn’t healthy but then again, Steve had spent twenty-odd years of his life unhealthy. This wasn’t any different.

“I wish you were here, Buck.” He said into the empty room. “Things are so different in this century and even though I’m adapting, it still hurts. You’re not here to call me a punk or bothering Tony about those damn flying cars. I know how frustrated you made Howard when you mentioned them when we had downtime.”

Steve took a long, wavering breath before he could speak again. This was always hard, speaking to his shield as though Bucky was there in it’s place and Steve was burying his face into the others stomach. He had done that all the time when he was sick and just laid for hours with Bucky stroking his hair and telling Steve about his day.

“It’s so damned hard without you here.” Steve’s voice cracked as he lowered his head and rested his forehead against the shield. The cold seeped in but he didn’t really register it.

“You’re not here to remind me to eat because of the metabolism or keep me out of trouble. We can’t fight like the good old days and I hate it, so much. I’m sorry, Bucky. I’m so sorry you had to pick up the shield and die like that. It wasn’t what I wanted.”

Steve couldn’t say anything else as his shoulders shook and he held onto the shield for dear life. No one would touch it if he could help it, because in reality, it was all he had left of Bucky and it was his. Someone would have to pry it from his cold, dead hands if they wanted it. And even then, Steve was sure they would have a hell of a problem.

He couldn’t sleep the rest of the night, the sweet release of sleep evaded Steve again and there was nothing he could about it. He was alone in the dark with nothing but his memories and no way to escape.

~*~

Steve frowned as he stood outside of the conference room on the helicarrier. He didn’t want to go because it meant leaving his shield outside on the table for anyone to grab. So far, though, he hadn’t had a problem with anyone taking his shield. He was the sole person responsible for the maintenance on it and everyone at S.H.I.E.L.D. had the memo.

It was still marked with grime and machine oil; Doom’s bots were always a problem when Steve fought them and he used his shield. He hated throwing it into a bot because he didn’t know if it would wedge into deep and he wouldn’t be able to get it out.

It was fear that was very real in Steve’s mind and wasn’t going anywhere soon. Steve bit his lower lip as he looked to the conference room and knew that he couldn’t go in there. Fury would throw a fit if he brought his weapon into the room.

Reluctantly Steve set his shield down on the table. Already, he could feel the tight coils of separation anxiety set in. He almost picked it up but when Natasha rounded the corner he stopped. No one needed to know about his dependency on his shield.

Steve had a small smile on his face by the time Natasha came to stand in front of him. He watched silently as she stripped herself of her weapons and laid them out in a straight line on the table. They were ready to enter and Steve couldn’t help but glance over his shoulder as they walked through the door.

He kept repeating his shield would be fine out there on the table until it was out of sight and he was sitting next to Natasha and Tony and across from Clint. Steve hated these meetings because they felt as though they drug on for hours; leaving him feeling anxious the whole time.

Years of practice on the field kept Steve from fidgeting in his seat as Fury began the meeting. He was a master now at hiding the nervous tick and only glanced at the clock on the wall every few minutes. Steve had to repeat in his head that the meetings didn’t last past two hours and that it wasn’t that much time to leave his shield alone on the table outside. If Tony could spend that time without the Iron Man suit; then he could do this without his suit.

“Got a hot date, Cap?” Clint’s voice broke Steve’s thoughts and his head snapped up. The tone was familiar because honestly, Bucky would have used it himself.

“No,” was all Steve said. He turned his gaze to Tony and dared him to say anything. This wasn’t the place or time.

Fury gave them all a look that said either sit down and shut up or there would be hell to pay. Steve didn’t particularly care to be kept here longer than necessary.  But he knew Fury and the man would do it to spite them all.

Instead, Steve found himself drifting in his thoughts. This would not be the first time he had tuned Fury out and it would not been the last.

The debriefing room faded out and Steve found himself back in his quarters and Bucky in his bed. It was dangerous for the two of them; but then again it was just how they were.

Steve was pulling on his regulation uniform while Bucky laid on the cot, cigarette hanging out of his mouth. His smoky blue eyes were watching every flex of muscle on Steve's back like a panther ready to strike.

"You could tell them you're sick," Bucky said when Steve finally turned around.  

"And what would I tell them?" Steve asked, sitting down on the edge of the cot. "That I got sick from having my best friends cock up my ass?"

"We can go again if they need convincing." The leer on Bucky's face had Steve flushing just a little. It was tempting to take Bucky up on his offer but Steve had a duty to his country.

“I have to do this, Buck, you know that. We’re closer to getting near the Red Skull and Zola.” Steve moved to the cot and bent over, pressing a soft kiss to Bucky’s lips. “I’ll be back later. Meet me in the mess hall?”

“Like I would miss food.” Bucky said with a roll of his eyes. He was steadily gaining back the little weight he’d lost while being captured.

“Be careful sneaking out of here, jerk.” Steve reminded Bucky before stealing a longer kiss that meant he would miss him while he was away. Steve didn’t wait for a reply before he was out the door and on his way to the conference room.

“Hey! Earth to Cap! You in there?” Tony’s voice interrupted the memory before it spiraled to the one memory Steve was always trying to run from.

“What is it, Tony?” Steved asked, turning his head to Tony and raising an eyebrow like he had been paying attention the whole time. The key to this was acting cool and like nothing was wrong. Bucky had done it so many times that Steve had it down pat.

“Meeting’s over,” was all Tony said. He got up and left the room, leaving Steve behind for a second.

It felt great to stand up and stretch his muscles. Steve was just glad the meeting was over and that he didn’t have to waste time here when there were other things he could do. It was something he tried to work on but it was a long process he was working on. Steve just didn’t like debriefing.

The hallway was void of people as Steve stepped outside of the room. He supposed most of the agents were either on mission or in the cafeteria. It was a relief there was no one in the hallway because Steve was sure someone would at least tease him about his impatience.

The table was empty.

That was the first thing Steve noticed when he looked down to collect his shield. He felt panic and anger twisting together to curl in his chest before bursting to his mind. Uncontrollable rage stormed as Steve clenched his fists until his knuckles were white.

Turning on his heel, Steve began to stalk down the helicarrier. His blue eyes were cold as he began to question every person he passed. But no one seemed to know exactly where his shield was. The longer he was separated, the deeper the anxiety seeped into his mind. Steve needed to find his shield before he broke down in front of everyone present.

The hallways were a blur as Steve went down each and every one of them. The fist gripping his heart was getting tighter with every failed attempt at finding his shield. As he asked around about his shield, Steve’s tone became sharper- harder. With each denial, he was that more feral.

The desperate need to find his shield consumed Steve’s every thought. He couldn’t push back the darkness on the edge of his mind as he started to threaten the various agents who hadn’t seen it.

It was by chance he had to pass by the armory on his way to Fury’s office. The door was propped opened and Steve couldn’t help but notice the metallic red shine out of the corner of his eye.

Steve was inside the room in an instant and had the unsuspecting agent against the wall by his neck. The man’s face was ghostly white as Steve snarled at him, shield in his free hand in a tight grip.

“What were you doing with this?” Steve growled, pushing his hand against the man’s throat. He could feel the muscle and bone give way just a little with the hard press of his hand. Steve knew he could crush the man’s windpipe; it wouldn’t be that hard. But that wasn’t who Steve was, what he represented.

“I was only cleaning it, sir.” The man rasped as he struggled just a little to breathe. Steve’s grip was tight as he stood there; watching the man for any hint of a lie. When he was satisfied, Steve let the man go and turned to grab his shield.

“I’m the only one who takes of the shield.” Steve said; his tone worn out and ragged. He clutched the shield a little too tightly but it went unnoticed by Steve.

“Understood, sir.” The agent confirmed before moving out of the armory and leaving Steve alone.

He had almost taken things a little too far. Steve was aware that he would have killed the man easily without second thought because the agent had touched his shield. It would be the last time Steve would leave it on the table outside of the debriefing room. Steve couldn’t leave it to chance that a good hearted agent would clean his shield.

Steve would take a detour and place the shield in his locker; it was big enough to hold it. The team could wait the few extra minutes as well if it kept something like this from happening again. Steve didn’t even look back at the armory when he left. It was a memory best left to be buried in his mind because as far he was concerned, the incident had never taken place.

Later that night Steve was alone in his room once again. The team’s post battle dinner had went well enough and they had asked questions about the shield and Steve’s search for it. Steve had told them that he hadn’t been aware it had been taken for cleaning and thought another fanboy had gone after it. The team had spouted jokes, Clint especially, and Steve had relaxed.

He doubted the agent would tell anyone about their little run in and for now he was okay with that. Steve wondered if he would tell a friend about how Captain America had been violent all because he touched his shield.

The thought made Steve grimace for a second before he threw it out the window. He had nothing to be sorry about because all the agents had been warned that Steve cleaned the shield himself. He wasn’t responsible for making sure the memo was passed around S.H.I.E.L.D. It was Fury’s job and Steve knew the man was one to do as he said.

It had taken hours for Steve to wind down after the incident. He had given the excuse to his team mates that it was because he wasn’t easy about their earlier mission. They had bought it and Steve could relax knowing they wouldn’t ask questions.

“I don’t think I’m losing it, Buck.” Steve whispered to the shield as he cleaned it. He was nothing if methodical when he was polishing it and cleaning the dirt off.

Steve kept his touch light; as if the slightest pressure would cause the shield to break. This was mostly a routine Steve had established soon after he came out of the ice. Everyday he would clean the shield and speak to it as if Bucky were somehow listening.

“That guy had to have seen the memo that was sent out. But why take the shield in the first place?” Steve murmured, leaning forward even more so that the tags around his neck dangled in empty air.

“I guess I’ll never understand.” Steve snorted and began to clean the shield again. “You always said I was the smart one but sometimes, I think you’re wrong.”

There was a long shaky breath before Steve stood and placed the shield where it belonged. He closed the glass doors and ignored his reflection. He couldn’t look at himself for fear of seeing someone he wouldn’t recognize.

Turning back to the bed, Steve wondered if he should try and sleep tonight.

~*~

It was the repetitiveness of punching the bag that had Steve coming down finally. He’d been wound tightly ever since the battle earlier. Steve had been horrified when the enemy had taken his shield when he had attacked with it and he ran after the enemy. Steve had abandoned his team for his shield without a second thought.

They hadn’t even questioned his motives when Steve had taken off. It was almost scary how much his team trusted him was amazing. Because Steve was sure he wouldn’t trust someone who had been asleep for seventy years and had a short fuse.

Steve didn’t paint himself in a good light because no matter what anyone said about him; he always let his temper get the best of him. Bucky knew how to handle Steve and how to coax him back under control. The thought of having Bucky around in this day and age would have been a godsend to Steve.

But once again, life screwed him. Bucky wasn’t here to help Steve adjust. This was something Steve would have to do on his own but it was damned hard. Everything was bright and so fast that he couldn’t keep up at times.

All Steve wanted was for the world to stop being so fast and just slow down so he could cope. He’d been thrown into the Avengers Initiative only a few short weeks after he’d been defrosted and from then on, it had been go, go, go.

With a last hit to the bag, Steve watched detached as it slid to the floor with a small thud. He would probably shower and make sure the shield was where it was supposed to be before coming back to the gym again.

Tonight could have been moving night as far as Steve knew. It was part of Tony’s program to educate Steve on how the world had changed. It wasn’t the same as experiencing it and Steve was pretty sure that the movies weren’t helpful at all. But at least they helped grasp references a little better.

“So, this is where you’ve been hiding.” Clint’s voice almost startled Steve.

“I haven’t been hiding.” Steve’s tone was petulant and for once there was a smile quirking at his lips. It could have been the way Clint reminded him of Bucky and that was a road Steve didn’t really want to go down at the moment.

“Right and my aim sucks.” Clint rolled his eyes and stepped further into the room. He found a bench and sat down, blue orbs watching Steve’s every move as he packed the bag into a special locker for when he broke the bag.

“Is there something you needed, Clint?” Steve asked. He had used the other’s first name and that in itself was a surprise. Steve didn’t do familiarity with his team often.

“Not really. Just wanted to know why you left the team.” There was no doubt that Clint knew Steve had beaten the man half to death before he stopped himself. The way he was sitting on the bench and his voice held all the evidence Steve needed.

“It’s not something I want to discuss.” Steve made sure he sounded that there was no room to negotiate about speaking on the subject. He should have known Clint’s sharp eyes would have seen everything from his perch on a building.

“No, it’s something you need to discuss.” There was something about the glint in Clint’s eye that had Steve stop his protest. It was familiar because Steve saw it in his own everyday.

“And I suppose you know what I’m going through?” Steve snorted, turning back around to face Clint.

“Only some of it, I wasn’t frozen for seventy years.” Clint smiled warily.

At least he wasn’t holding himself back Steve thought to himself. The one thing he valued even to this day was others being honest with him. Clint was frank and to the point, much like Tony. But there was something about Clint that said he understood, at least partly, from the way he was composing himself. Steve wondered exactly what Clint had gone through to put that look in his eyes.

“Someone might find you funny.” Steve moved to sit down next to Clint. There was no way he was going to get around this at all. He knew once Clint had his mind set on something, he would do it. It didn’t matter the cost or what he had to do.

“Well, Phil did.” Clint answered as he pulled some cards from a pocket on the breast of his shirt.

Steve would know those cards anywhere because of his photographic memory. They were Phil’s card, bloodstained between Clint’s fingers. But the way Clint held them spoke volumes to Steve. It was like looking into the mirror.

“You have his cards,” Steve whispered. He didn’t need Clint to say anything for the pieces to click into place. It was evident that Phil and Clint had been a couple before Phil passed.

“Yes. And I don’t let anyone touch them. It’s the same for your shield isn’t it?” Clint asked as he tucked them away. It was weird having someone look at Phil’s cards after so long. Natasha didn’t know he was the one who had claimed them from Fury.

“It was the last thing Bucky touched.” Steve said solemnly as he clasped his hands together. He didn’t know if he could speak about Bucky to Clint. He hadn’t been able to talk about him to anyone, not even Peggy or Howard or the Commandoes.

“I can’t let anyone touch it. I just...flip out and I don’t even realize it.” Steve admitted. He felt a hand on his knee and looked over to Clint who was giving a look that meant he knew exactly how Steve felt.

“It’s okay, Steve. I have a feeling you never let yourself grieve for him.” Clint’s tone was comforting as he squeezed the flesh just above Steve’s knee. His fingers massaged the muscles until Steve’s entire frame relaxed.

“There was never really any time to be honest. We had to stop the Skull before the plane got to New York. And then I woke up and I didn’t have time to adjust.” Steve sighed and closed his eyes. He had never told anyone about this but it seemed to just flow because in a way, Clint knew how Steve felt. He had lost his own lover and Steve was aware that Clint wouldn’t judge him.

“A lot of men came back from World War II with PTSD. It was accepted as a real condition and I think you have it, Steve. I’m not suggesting you see a shrink, God knows they’re creepy as fuck, but it might help.”

“I’ll think about it.” Steve softly replied. “I’m not exactly an open person if I’m quoting Tony right.”

“Tony knows what it’s like too. Not the whole losing the person you love more than anything part. But the PTSD, yeah, he knows about that. He self-medicates but I’m sure you don’t want to follow his footsteps.”

“He’s a good man and I was wrong about him.”

“Hey! You were under the scepter’s influence when you said that. And I’m sure Tony knows that too. We played right into Loki’s hands, Steve. He wanted that to happen.”

And Clint would know that more than anyone else. He knew what Loki’s mind was like while he’d been under the other’s control. Steve had never held Clint responsible for his actions and he certainly wouldn’t start now. Clint was a good man, anyone with two eyes could see it.

“It still feels as though I was wrong though and that the scepter was just an excuse.” Steve looked up and couldn’t help it as he fished Bucky’s tags from under his shirt. It still amazed him they survived the decades in the ice.

“Those are his, aren’t they?” Clint asked when he saw the way Steve handled the tags.

“Yeah. We exchanged tags after I found Bucky at a Hydra base. We knew that at any time one of us could die and we wanted to have something to remember each other by. Bucky had cracked that we were married...I never imagined it would become a thing.”

“Phil and I were married but we had a small ceremony. Enemies and all that.” Clint’s smile was fond and held a hint of sadness. He pulled his own necklace from under his shirt and on it were two rings. “But it was perfect and even though I knew our jobs came first, I was happy for the first time in my life.”

“It sounds like you had it rough.” Steve murmured and grabbed the hand Clint still had on his leg.

“Yeah, but it made me who I am today. I can’t change my past, but I can change the future. Don’t let the anger rule you, Steve. The monster is always lurking beneath the surface and you can’t give in.”

Steve knew Clint was talking about personal experience. The weeks after Loki weren’t the brightest for him and Steve understood that. The mind control plus losing Phil while he wasn’t in his right mind weighed on Clint. Steve couldn’t relate but he’d gone after Red Skull ruthlessly because of Bucky until he had him cornered. And even then, he’d down his own plane.

“I’m Captain America,” was the only way Steve could respond to Clint. He couldn’t think of anything else because it was true.

He couldn’t be just Steve Rogers, the hot-headed kid who used to fight bullies. Steve was also Captain America, a symbol of hope and a role model for those who needed one. He had a responsibility that had never been his and back during the war he didn’t have to watch his every move.

Today’s society was so different and he still wasn’t used to how people followed public figures so adamantly. Steve supposed he should be grateful that Fury had kept them under wraps, but lately, he’d been pushing Steve to go public. It was something Steve didn’t know if he was ready for.

“You are. I know Fury’s been pushing about you coming out to the masses.” Clint would have known out of anyone who was on their team. He and Natasha were still working for S.H.I.E.L.D. even though they were partly compromised.

“I’m not sure about it.” Steve was uneasy about it; especially the paparazzi.

“It’s the vultures isn’t it? You know what they’re like because of Stark.” Clint’s lips quirked up into a smile like he knew exactly what Steve was afraid of.

“Yeah. Tony’s dealt with them his whole life so he knows how to cope. But...I think I’ll have issues.”

“Hey, it’s understandable. The press was different back in your day.” Clint comforted as best he could. “But just know I’m here if you decide to come out that you’re still alive and need someone to just speak to.”

“That’s great to know, Clint. I just seem to don’t have many friends.”

“You never contacted Peggy did you?”

“No, I couldn’t. She has Alzheimer’s and I couldn’t confuse her even more.”

“Hey, it’s okay, Steve. It’s understandable. You need time to adjust, something you haven’t really been given. The few short weeks you were gone wasn’t enough and I’m not sure how long of a leave you would need. Say the word, Steve, and Fury will give you time off.”

“Thanks, Clint. I have something I need to do. If I need someone to talk to...I’ll come to you.” Steve replied before standing and leaving Clint alone in the gym.

It was something to think about; taking a leave of absence from the team. Steve was already duty driven and now that he had a team again, he didn’t want to leave. The Avengers needed Steve to lead them, there was little doubt there. Their control was precarious as it was and no one had the insight Steve did when it came to battle.

When he was alone in his room again, he greeted the shield with a caress and began to speak about Clint and how he thought, that maybe, just maybe he was healing again.

~*~

The neighborhood had changed in the decades Steve had been gone. It was obvious with the newer buildings that surrounded his old apartment complex. They shouldn’t have surprised Steve but somewhere deep inside, he wasn’t happy. He had been hoping that this part of Brooklyn hadn’t changed but along with time it had morphed into something Steve almost didn’t recognize.

It was stupid wishful thinking but at least he could sit on the stoop and just draw. Steve hadn’t brought his shield along, it would have been too conspicuous and the press conference was only a week announcing that the original Captain America was alive. There had been answers already prepared for possible questions.

Steve already had them memorized, having spent the nights in the his rooms going over the cards with his shield by his side. They were to the point and didn’t leave any room for his words to be twisted like Tony’s had been.

He had to hand it to Fury though, the man had picked professional people for this conference. Paparazzi weren’t allowed and would be getting the scope only after his story had been published.

Steve pulled his sketchpad into his lap and and began to draw. He didn’t want to think about the present and the never ending pace this century had adopted. Howard would have loved it though, with all the technology his son was putting out.

He would have liked to think Howard would have been proud of Tony, but from what he had gathered from Tony, he hadn’t been the best father. Steve wondered what had changed about Howard. The man had spoken about having a family and settling down finally after the war was over.

Tony wouldn’t tell Steve much about Howard and he couldn’t say he would bother Tony about it. It was a sore subject and Steve knew why. He’d seen the same thing in Bucky when they first met when they were children and he wouldn’t expect Tony to speak to him about.

Their friendship was estranged enough as it was without putting Howard in between them. Steve had been trying lately to ease the strain on their friendship but it hadn’t been particularly easy. Tony was a genius and Steve was well, Steve. He was an artist and sometimes he couldn’t help but capture what he saw in Tony’s lab.

He’d been surprised when Tony complimented him on the art and then proceeded to speak about art history to Steve. It eased some of the tension between them and they were on their way.

Steve looked down to see he’d been sketching a picture of him and Bucky playing in the street. It was crude baseball with a ball and a stick. But they had fun with the kids in the street. Most of the parents in their neighborhood were working the nightshift just to have a job and Bucky and Steve had kept tabs on them during the day when they were sleeping.

They’d never been paid for it but it was the right thing to do even though Bucky complained. Steve would shut him up by promising him that they would have sex that night or offer a blow job to Bucky. With their walls being paper thin, they couldn’t have sex as regularly as they wanted.

A fond smile crossed over Steve’s lips as he remembered the one night no one had been home. It had been a rare occurrence and they had taken full advantage. That night had been one of the best of Steve’s life with the way Bucky had made love to him. He’d drawn it out well into the morning and had left Steve a heaving mess.

He would do anything to get those days of ignorance back.

And it was a scary thought to Steve. If he had the Tesseract, he would use it without hesitation to get back to his own time and just live with Bucky, soaking up the time they had before the war. And even then, Steve would have talked him out of joining the army. It was selfish of Steve but he couldn’t bear to lose Bucky a second time, especially if he could prevent it.

The what ifs would plague Steve for the rest of his life. He wasn't stupid and knew himself. The only person to know Steve better than he did was dead.

Drawing like this was too similar to how Steve spent his time in the forties. He wouldn't stop though, the familiarity of it was a nice reprieve from the anxiety he'd been feeling lately.

Clint's presence had helped and it seemed that he knew when Steve really needed him. There were other things that bothered other than his shield.

The other Avengers hadn't picked up on it yet but then again, Steve hid his problems well. It was so easy just to slip into old habits since it was like the 1940s were only a few months to him. It was disconcerting to think that he’d spent all those decades just floating in the ice while the world turned around him. It almost raised his hackles just thinking about it.

“So, this is where Captain America spends his free time,” the smooth tenor broke through Steve’s thoughts.

He craned his neck to look up only to see Clint sporting a pair of Armani sunglasses and a baseball cap. Tony would have shit bricks if he knew Clint was going around with his trademark Iron Man sunglasses.

“Well, it’s the old neighborhood so why not?” Steve asked as he noticed the bag hanging in Clint’s hand. Ever since Clint had learned Steve hadn’t been eating enough, he’d been stuffing Steve with food; whether he liked it or not.

“So this is where you grew up? Kinda the rough part of town wasn’t it?” Clint asked as he took a seat next to Steve and opened the bag. He pulled some food out and waited until Steve put the sketchpad away before handing it over.

“Sorta, but it wasn’t so bad.” Steve shrugged and opened the wrapper to find a burrito. “Tony know you stole his sunglasses?”

“Not really, but I don’t think he’ll miss them really. He’s too busy hacking S.H.I.E.L.D. again.” Clint replied before taking a bite of his own burrito.

“What’s his reason this time?”

“Something about a Crimson Tide. All I know is that subject requires a Level 7 clearance and I don’t have it. Kinda sucks cause I’ve been with S.H.I.E.L.D. for years.”

“Did they try to hack him again?”

“Yeah, they did but no dice. Tony’s too good for them to do something like that. J.A.R.V.I.S. is there too so there isn’t anyone hacking SI anytime soon.” Clint bumped his knee against Steve’s in a gesture of comfort. He could tell Steve was homesick; it wasn’t hard to see with how he sat on the stoop looking like a kicked puppy.

“I’m sure Pepper will have him in that meeting tomorrow,” Steve said with a sly smile. The rest of the team had a bet pool going on how Pepper would wrangle Tony to the meetings he had to attend. So far, Steve was winning.

“Yeah, I know better than to bet against you. You should let us plebeians win once in a while. You know, be a sport about it.”

“Sure, then Natasha can win all the time.” Steve laughed and bumped his shoulder against Clint’s.

Their friendship had grown over the past few weeks. Steve wasn’t as violent about his shield but the underlying tension was still there whenever someone made a move to touch it. If Clint was closeby, Steve wasn’t as affected.

“Damn, you’re right. Maybe we should just cancel the betting pool or find something else to bet on besides Tony’s meetings.” Clint grumbled around his food.

“You’re just a sore loser.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not.”

“So, when you’re not being childish, what do you do for fun?” Steve asked, throwing Clint off kilter for a moment.

“Wait, are you saying you want to walk among us mortals?” Clint was shocked because Steve never seemed interested in hanging out away from the Tower. This was an opportunity he couldn’t afford to waste.

“Maybe. Depends if you tease me away.” There was a glint in Steve’s eyes and Clint knew Steve was flirting with him. It was new territory for Clint but he couldn’t deny being pleased about this development. There was a part of him that was curious about dating Steve.

“Well, I don’t think I want to. So what do you say we have drinks at this dive I frequent? It’s low key and there won’t be many people there. Whaddya say?” There was hope in Clint’s voice, it was hard to miss. Steve was able to pick up on it easier because of his hearing and his heart pounded in his chest.

“It’s a date then. By the time we head there now, they should be open.” Clint stood and offered his free hand to Steve. The empty fast food bag was hanging from his fingers precariously as he smiled.

Steve took Clint’s hand and allowed himself to be pulled up. He didn’t have anything to do and to be honest, he’d rather know Clint a little better. There was something about Clint that was drawing Steve to him and he wanted to explore that more than anything.

It wouldn’t be good for Steve to dwell on Bucky and the what if’s of life. If he wanted to thrive in his new time, he would have to keep his chin up. Bucky would hate it if Steve kept on the path he’d been going down for the past few months and while Steve couldn’t promise anything, he knew Bucky would kick his ass for moping around like he had.

The bar wasn’t really that far away and it was a nice day for a walk. The sketchpad was in Steve’s back pocket and while he hated that it was folded up, it was the best palce. He could recreate the drawings in a new pad later on from memory if he needed to.

It was a normal enough looking building, inconspicuous and blending in with the neighborhood down the street. Steve knew it was his kind of place with how laid back it was when he stepped through the door. He could easily see the Commandoes loving it as well.

“Pretty nice, right?” Clint asked with a grin as he placed a hand at Steve’s back and led him to the bar.

Steve was sure they would be kicked out but when no one paid them any mind, he relaxed. He was aware that homosexuals were treated differently this day and age. It was new to Steve but he was willing to try and get past his old instincts.

"Clinton, its been awhile!" The man behind the bar greeted.

Steve sent Clint a grin that meant a lot of teasing later when they weren't in public. He watched as the two men engaged in a conversation. It was easy to sit back and just enjoy himself; something that had been eluding for a long time now.

"Benny, this is Steve." Clint threw an arm around Steve's shoulder and drew him closer to place a kiss on his cheek.

Steve knew he was blushing. He could feel the heat in his cheeks flaring up at the gesture. He wasn’t sure what the social protocol was so he just said hello and tucked himself into Clint’s side. Bucky would have teased him for his behavior, but Clint just grinned widely and pressed a kiss to Steve’s temple.

“It’s nice ta meet a friend of Clinton’s.” Benny drawled and offered his hand to Steve.

He shook it firmly, knowing that this man was a friend of Clint’s and he needed some sort of approval. From the grin he saw on Benny’s face, Steve knew he had given a good first impression. They chatted for awhile, talking about how Steve met Clint through work. It was easy telling Benny that he was a veteran, it wasn’t a lie since Steve technically didn’t work for the military anymore.

Clint kept the drinks coming once they had started; wanting to know just how many it would take Steve to get drunk. No one had tested the theory before because Steve had been against alcohol during the war. He didn’t know about HYDRA and he didn’t want to test his limits behind enemy lines when he had men to care for.

Slowly, he could feel the buzz of alcohol course through him. His thoughts were sluggish and Steve could do nothing but smile stupidly at Clint. The bar had more people milling around but again, they didn’t pay any mind to the men at the bar who were more than a little close.

“You’re totally buzzed. Fury’s gonna kill me but I can’t give two shits.” Clint laughed as he watched Steve try to grab his glass of top shelf whiskey. He’d missed several times before he had been finally able to grab to knock it back.

“Are you sure your friend needs more alcohol?” Benny asked with a raised eyebrow as he watched Steve put away his twentieth drink.

“Trust me, this guy can handle it.” Clint answered as he patted Steve on his back.

The movement caught Steve off guard and he ended up almost choking on his drink. He sputtered his agreement to Clint before he could choke. Steve had to hit his chest before he finally settled down and had to listen to Clint laugh his ass off again. It was a good mood that had settled over them and for once Steve wasn’t reminded of his past or what he lost.

It gave him hope in his alcohol buzzed mind. Steve could be normal again with a bit of work and with Clint by him, picking him up when he fell, he knew he could overcome anything. It was almost sappy and Steve knew Clint would rag him for thinking about it but it was a great feeling for Steve who had done nothing but mope and wallow the last few months.

“So, you good?” Clint asked. He was a little buzzed, not as lit as he would normally be. There was just something funny about watching Captain America drink.

“Yeah, I think so. We should go home.” Steve slurred as he attempted to pull his wallet out of his back pocket. Clint’s hand stopped his.

“I got this round, babe.” The word flowed easily from Clint’s lips and Steve liked it. Bucky never had a pet for Steve other than Stevie and this was a nice change.

“Thanks, Clint.” Steve answered and ducked for a quick kiss. It was just a swift peck on the lips and barely there. But it was the first kiss Steve had had in over seventy years. It was just what he needed though because it didn’t make him feel like he was cheating on Bucky or dishonoring him in any way.

“Hey, this is a date and my suggestion so I pay.” Clint paid Benny and soon they were out the door.

The night held a crisp air to it and Steve couldn’t help but smile. It was almost like New York back in the forties when he couldn’t enjoy it. The cold air of fall was enough to send him into an asthma attack and he wouldn’t be able to go out for days.

Clint walked close to Steve, his hand on the small of the other’s back. He was guiding Steve as they walked; making sure he wouldn’t fall over from the buzz he was sporting. It was hard to say how long it would stay but it was a sure thing it would last until they got to the tower.

“When was the last time you actually let loose?” Clint asked, pushing his head towards Steve so they could speak.

“Not since before the war. I was sickly as a child and so I had to worry about medication. After I became an orphan, it was even harder to get the medicine I needed. Bucky did odd jobs to take care of the cost. It wasn’t fair to him and I felt so bad about it. But it was his decision and I couldn’t take it away from him.” Steve’s voice was soft and held a sadness that was normally present. But it wasn’t as evident as it used to be and it had Clint relaxing beside Steve.

Steve’s hand was taken in Clint’s, their fingers laced together. Clint’s hand was warm in Steve’s and he couldn’t help but squeeze it gently to let Clint know just how much he appreciated it.

It felt great to walk in public holding the hand of someone he liked. This day and age was just so different and Steve had taken a long time to stop looking behind him. He thought the rug would be pulled from under his feet and he would stumble. But with all the stumbling he’d done, he had found Clint.

They talked like a couple that was falling in love. Conversation was easy between them and Clint didn’t once make anything awkward. Steve couldn’t believe he was on a date and that it was still going on.

When they got back to the tower, Steve invited Clint back to his floor. This would be the first time he had invited someone into his room. Steve was protective of his space because of the shield and he feared someone taking it.

He shifted anxiously on his feet as he waited for Clint’s answer with baited breath.

“Babe, do you have any idea what you’re asking?” Clint said as he pressed his body against Steve’s. He was all hard, packed muscle and wound tightly. Steve could feel it.

“I know what I’m asking for, Clint. I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t mean it.” Steve whispered when Clint pressed his lips against Steve’s softly.

“Good. I want this too.” Clint kissed Steve hard, pushing their lips together as he manoeuvred Steve through the door to his room.

Steve was pressed against the nearest wall as Clint nipped at his neck. Steve hadn’t been sure if he had been ready for anything physical but having the lithe frame pressed against his body had tossed all doubts out of Steve’s head.

Clint was warm and everywhere at once with his lips and hands. Steve was dizzy with just trying to keep up with all the sensations that were coursing through his body. It had been too long since he felt someone’s lips and hands on his body, touching him in all the right places.

Steve sighed when Clint bit into his neck, nipping it gently with his teeth and soothing it over with his tongue. Steve couldn’t even compare Clint to Bucky because he wasn’t a replacement, Steve realized. This was something budding between between him and Clint and it was Steve’s own.

“Do you have lotion?” Clint growled against Steve’s ear, hot breath ghosting over the shell.

“I have vaseline on the nightstand.” Steve groaned out after several long moments. He moaned at the loss of Clint’s warm body and almost trailed after him. A heady glance from Clint kept Steve where he was and it wasn’t long before Clint was back.

The vaseline was set on the floor and Clint went back to kissing Steve, his hands devested Steve of his clothes painstakingly slow. The brush of fabric had his skin pimpling with desire and Steve couldn’t help the smell sound that left his lips.

When Steve was declothed, Clint was pressed against him just as equally naked. The rush of desire was back as Clint grabbed the vaseline and pressed it in Steve’s hand. He held onto it wondering what the other other had in his mind.

“I’m going to need you to wrap your legs around my waist, babe. I want to fuck you against the wall.” Clint purred as he rested his hands on the back of Steve’s thighs and gave them a squeeze.

It didn’t take Steve but a second to jump and wrap his legs around Clint’s waist. He was taller than Clint like this and he framed the other’s face with his hands to press his lips to Clint’s in a deep, needy kiss.

“I want all of you, Clint.” Steve murmured against chapped lips.

“You’re gonna get me. Open the vaseline for me, I’ve gotta open you up.” Clint bit Steve’s lower lip and watched with hooded eyes as Steve opened the container.

Clint dipped a finger in and coated it before trailing it down Steve’s side and to his back. The finger slid lower and lower until it was resting at Steve’s hole. Clint circled it a few times, just enjoying the way Steve shuddered in his arms.

Steve shuddered when Clint’s finger slid in up to the first knuckle. The sting didn’t last long, the serum taking it away just moments after it happened. He felt Clint’s breathy moan sweep over his neck.

“Fuck, babe, you’re so tight. Shit, it’s like you’re a virgin.” Clint rambled as he twisted his finger before adding another.

Steve couldn’t answer him because he was just pulsed with need to speak. It was like he was being touched again for the first time. He’d been deprived of the pleasures that simple caresses could bring and Steve drank them up greedily as finger after finger was added and the vaseline was dropped to the floor.

When Clint entered Steve, he was full. Passion burned through him and Steve couldn’t help but seek his lover’s lips out for a long and sloppy kiss. He begged Clint to move, he didn’t need to adjust to Clint’s cock.

It was all the encouragement Clint needed before he pulled his cock out and pumped it back into Steve. There was no need for steady passion tonight. It was all about need and right now both men needed each other. They lost themselves, Clint’s hands digging into the flesh of Steve’s ass as he snapped his hips harshly. It was worth it to hear the grunts of pleasure from Steve.

“Let me hear you, babe. I need to hear you. Fuck.” Clint cursed as he drove into the hilt. He was buried balls deep in Steve and he’d be damned if it wasn’t the best thing he’d ever felt. He wouldn’t last long like this and if Steve’s sounds were anything to go by, Steve wouldn’t either.

“You gonna come like this?” Clint asked as his hand danced down to Steve’s cock. He palmed over it, thumb swiping over the head.

Steve couldn’t answer when his orgasm hit, instead his head hit the wall as a long moan of Clint’s name was ripped from his throat. Clint’s own release hit him like a freight train as he pumped his hips one last time and filled Steve; his teeth digging into the flesh of Steve’s neck.

Slowly they came down from their high together, Steve’s feet hit the floor; a bit wobbly. He had to lean back against the wall for a few moments while Clint’s body rested against his. They were able to catch their breaths after a few minutes before Clint was kissing Steve.

“Stay with me tonight?” Steve asked when Clint pulled away and started to gather his clothes.

“You sure?” Clint asked, stopping to wipe his cock off. He could see his come running down Steve’s thighs and he had to admit he felt possessive at the sight.

“I wouldn’t ask if...”

“You didn’t mean it.” Clint grinned and dropped his clothes to follow Steve to his bed.


	2. That Which Should Be Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint's landed himself in the hospital and Steve almost loses it. Later, a press conference brings certain information into the light and tilts everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally planned for this to be only 2 parts, but it seems like I have too much potential here to let it go to waste. I'm not sure how long this will be.

The trip to medical had been Steve’s worst yet to date and he wasn’t even injured. He had been short with the agents who tried to keep him away. It wasn’t like Steve wanted to be in the surgery room beside Clint. He just wanted to be close.

It was hard to stay even that far away, the fear of Clint possibly not making it gripped Steve’s heart like a vice. It did nothing to calm his nerves when the doctor had come out and said Clint had been moved to ICU for observation.

An overwhelming need to see Clint crept into Steve. It burrowed deep into his mind and he just had to see Clint. He knew there were ways to get around the facility; Clint having done so numerous times just for the hell of it.

Steve faintly remembered Clint talking about the air ducts and about how ridiculously huge they were. It was a safe bet Steve would more than likely fit; even with his shield.

It wasn't hard finding a blind spot where S.H.I.E.L.D.'s camera wouldn't be able to see him. It was easy getting the hatch open and pulling himself up; the shield attached to his back.

Being in the ducts was almost like being in the trenches. The foul smell of death and infection was the only thing missing besides the sound of gunfire. Steve knew he could do this. He knew the plans of the helicarrier like the back of his hand. Fury had shown it to him just in case it became compromised in some way. Steve had never been so thankful for the man’s paranoid ways than what he was in this moment. He would thank Fury later in some subtle way that he wouldn’t catch onto until it was too late to return the gesture.

Steve thought he would have been rather loud in the ducts with his shield strapped to his back. But it seemed the ducts were wide and tall enough to give him the berth he needed. It astounded Steve that Fury allowed such air ducts on the helicarrier. The security risks alone were a concern for Steve and he would chat with Fury later, when this was over with.

He found Clint’s room easily enough and dropped down silently; well as silently as he could. Steve’s boots made a small padded sound when they touched down to the floor. The sound didn’t disturbed Clint and Steve was grateful for that. He needed his rest after the long surgery to repair the damage to his leg.

Steve knew if it had been his left arm, Clint would have been throwing a fit. A smile quirked at his lips at the thought of his boyfriend throwing a fit in medical. There were days Clint’s temper rivalled Steve’s and he knew the agents had a betting pool on who would crack first after a mission.

Steve didn't approve of the bet but allowed the agents to have their fun. In a way it was like being with the Commandos again and to see that people were at least working together to keep the world safe, gave Steve a little peace.

There wasn't a chair in the ICU room and Steve couldn't sneak out to grab one without alerting the staff that he had broken in. The bed Clint was in was big enough for Steve to sit on without disturbing Clint.

He placed his shield at the end of the bed before sitting at Clint's waist. He could see the damaged leg and knew his boyfriend would milk this for all he was worth. Steve would fall for it too, just to keep Clint happy. Steve gently took Clint’s hand and stroked the back of it with his thumb. He had flashbacked to Bucky and the train when Clint fell from the building. The only difference had been Steve had been too far to do anything to save Clint. He couldn’t guilt himself like he had done with Bucky and so he’d sat quietly, well, sort of quiet, in the waiting room.

Tony had been oddly silent throughout the whole process. Occasionally he would bump his knee against Steve’s in some sort of comfort. They were getting to the point of being friends, it was a slow process and there were times Steve thought they were going twelve steps back because of how different they were.

It didn’t help Steve wouldn’t speak about his problems to Tony. He had issues with anyone besides Clint knowing about the struggle he was dealing with. And even then, Steve felt it was bad enough Clint knew about his problems.

It was the fact he had grown up in an era where men were expected to be strong and couldn’t seek professional help. Steve still had problems with sleep even though Clint was by his side. There were nights he was able to sleep with no problem, but there were others where he could see Bucky fall from the train and he was plagued all over again.

Clint was a saint when it came to Steve’s nightmares. He would stir when Steve woke up sweaty and breathing heavily. He would work out with Steve until he was ready to collapse back into bed. Clint never said a word or judged Steve for what going on.

It wasn’t an easy road so far and the press conference announcing Captain America was alive had been delayed by a few months. Clint made it clear that Steve didn’t have to march to Fury’s tune and he should wait until he was ready.

The thing was though, Steve never knew if he would be ready. It seemed like the world was still closing in around him with the fast pace and the never ending lights. Clint’s presence by his side helped somewhat with the panic attacks that seemed to creep in.

Sometimes Steve wasn’t even aware of them until Clint by his side and brushing his hair from his face. And there were times Clint would sing to him just to bring him back from whatever flashback was going through Steve’s head.

Steve kept a vigil watch over Clint during the night. He was aware the nurses had discovered his presence but there wasn’t much they could do to kick him out. He was Captain America after all and they knew not to move him from Clint’s room.

Being alone with his thoughts wasn’t a good thing but at least Clint wasn’t dead. Steve knew he should sleep but he couldn’t. His own head was his enemy and he was aware of the nightmares that waited for him should he sleep.

There was no way he could curl up next to Clint and seek the comfort he needed. Steve was wary that he would jar something in his lover’s body and impede his healing. He was content just holding Clint’s hand, the contact kept his worst thoughts at bay for the time being.

It was six hours later when Clint gained conscious and smiled at Steve with a dopey smile. He could tell the morphine was having some sort of effect on him. Steve smiled when Clint called his name softly and squeezed his hand. It was a safe feeling for Steve and he knew Clint appreciated Steve being here with the way his eyes softened when he saw him.

“Been here all night?” Clint rasped, his voice scratchy.

“Don’t speak until I get you some water.” Steve gently said. He slipped his hand out of Clint’s and left the room to get some water. It was a relief to get out of the stark white room and he knew Clint couldn’t wait to leave it.

He hated white rooms just as much as he hated sitting still. Steve would speak to his doctor after he spoke to Clint about moving out of the ICU. He paid for a bottle of water, not trusting the tap around here even though it was S.H.I.E.L.D. and they were nothing but thorough.

The bottle was cold in Steve’s hand but he didn’t mind it as he normally would. Clint had been working with Steve in dealing with his reaction to the cold. Being in the ice for seventy years had messed with Steve and he didn’t like the cold. He avoided it when he could, but Clint had taken to messing with Steve and building up his tolerance.

When he returned to the ICU room, Clint was sitting up with a doctor going over his condition. Steve waited by the door, leaning on it and watching their interaction. Several times Steve could see Clint fidgeting, wanting to get away from the prodding.

“See, I’m fine. You can move me now.” Clint pointedly said when the doctor pulled away.  

“I’m afraid we need to keep you here for observation.” The doctor replied, his expression leaving little room to argue.

“Actually, no. You see, Tony Stark’s my friend and I can guarantee you that my stay at his place would be much better for me than here.” Clint argued, eyes lighting up at the challenge. Steve had no doubt he would talk his way to going back to the tower.

“I’m pretty sure, Agent Barton, that you would recover better at S.H.I.E.L.D. medical.” The doctor down through his glasses at Clint. His gaze was disapproving and Clint only glared right back.

“Nope. I don’t like it here. You’ve read my file and you should know I don’t deal well with medical.” Clint smirked as if he knew had the doctor in the corner, he almost did.

“Agent Barton, I can go over your head to Director Fury himself.” The doctor was stern and looked as though he would go through with his threat. Clint was stubborn though, Steve knew that first hand and Clint would not back down.

“And Fury will laugh your ass right out of his office. I will recover at Stark Tower with no problem. You forget my boyfriend is Captain America. He’ll pamper me like the little gem I am.” Clint joked, but there was a serious tone under his words.

And Steve would take care of Clint, there was no doubt about it. Clint knew Steve would no doubt baby him to the point where Clint might feel he would need some space. But Steve could see Clint rolling his eyes and enjoying it anyways because it meant Clint would get his way on almost anything.

“I will take responsibility for his care, doctor.” Steve couldn’t stand to see Clint argue anymore. It was hilarious but Steve could see even arguing was taking the energy out of his boyfriend. He just wanted Clint to get better and he wouldn’t be able to here in medical.

“Crackpots, the lot of you! If an infection sets in I will not treat Agent Barton.” The doctor threw his hands up in exasperation and left to give Clint the clearance he needed to go home.

The satisfied expression on Clint’s face was hilarious and Steve couldn’t muffle the laugh that bubbled up in his throat. He crossed the room and pressed a kiss to Clint’s lips. The bottle was passed between them and Steve watched as Clint opened it with a bit of trouble.

Steve wouldn’t help him though, he knew how important independence was to Clint and he couldn’t take that away from him.

“I love it when I get my way,” Clint said after he took a swig of water.

“You just know how to work people.” Steve laughed in response.

~*~

It was a rainy day and Steve decided to forego his morning jog. He went down to the gym instead to workout in place of running. Clint was in their room sleeping and healing. His injury had him bedridden for a few weeks and then the physical therapy would come. Steve was looking forward to that part.

He could imagine the curses coming from Clint’s lips. They were always creative and never failed to amuse Steve. Tony had pegged Steve for a stickler when it came to language but he couldn’t have more wrong. Sure Captain America wasn’t suppose to curse but Steve had done it numerous times on the battle field.

Tony had been surprised when Steve could curse with him. It had started the beginnings of their shaky friendship. He didn’t know where Tony had gotten he was a tight ass from, probably Howard if he told his son any stories. Steve smiled at the thought of Howard tinkering away when they were on the front lines.

He wondered what had changed the man after Steve plunged into the ice. Tony wouldn’t really speak about his old man. He had garnered enough from Tony to tell that their relationship was strained at the best of times and volatile at the worst. Steve wished he didn’t have an inkling that his disappearance had affected Howard, but it was obvious it had.

Steve had to push the thoughts away, they would do him no good in the here and now. And Clint would know and he’d have reduced Steve down to a puddle until he was back in the present. If it wasn’t for Clint Steve could see himself in a psych ward somewhere.

It was a discomforting thought and one he didn’t like to dwell on. Maybe Clint was right and he shouldn’t shower alone. All the doubt seemed to seep into Steve’s brain when he was washing himself.

When Steve stepped out he wasn’t expecting to find Tony standing in front of him with a frown marring his face. It looked as though the man hadn’t slept for weeks and the haunted look in his eye wasn’t one Steve liked. He knew that look since it had been on his face several times.

“Tony?” Steve asked softly. He was afraid he would startle the man if he spoke any louder.

“Hey, Steve. I need to talk to you...” Tony was subdued and Steve knew instantly that something was wrong, very wrong if he was calling him by his first name.

“Tony, take a seat. You don’t look so good.” Steve took Tony’s elbow and led him to a chair and sat down next to him. He waited for a few minutes knowing Tony wouldn’t talk if he pushed him.

“I hacked S.H.I.E.L.D. today. Steve, what I found...I wish I hadn’t seen it.” Tony started, his hands folded between his knees. Tony kept wringing his hands as if he couldn’t sit still. It was hard seeing the man like this.

“What did you find, Tony?” Steve was curious as to what he could have found that would have Tony so rattled. It was unlike him to be this nervous about anything since Tony was a confident man who never let anything bother him.

It was several long minutes before Tony could speak. Every time he opened his mouth he would close it. Whatever he had found had shaken him to the point where he could barely function. Steve wasn’t sure he liked it.

“Agent...Agent Coulson...he’s alive.” Tony had managed to ground out. “I don’t know how to tell Clint.”

Steve felt like the earth was shattering beneath his feet. Phil Coulson was alive, Clint’s husband was alive and well. All that Steve had gained would be gone and he’d be back to square one; alone.

He didn’t like the thought of being alone, but it was Clint’s choice if he chose to go back to his husband. They had been married after all and their own relationship was barely out of infancy. It was easy to terminate.

“The sick part is, he doesn’t remember his marriage to Clint. They erased it from his mind because Coulson would have taken Fury by the balls and ripped them off.” Tony ran a hand through his hair and let out a deep sigh.

“He what?” Steve asked, eyes wide.

“Fury erased it from his memory because of how they brought him back. I can’t access that file, it’s locked down tighter than J.A.R.V.I.S.’s virginity.” Tony grit his teeth together as he struggled for more words.

“Sir, might I remind you that my virginity is non-existent.” J.A.R.V.I.S. was a comfort even now when they were struggling to even think.

“What do we do, Tony?” Steve asked.

Fear crept into his mind because he knew Clint would want to see Phil. Steve knew he didn’t stand a chance because if there was something he did know, love didn’t fade. Even if Agent Coulson didn’t remember his marriage to Clint, there would still be a spark there.

Steve wasn’t a coward and he knew he would tell Clint. Something like this couldn’t be kept from him and if Clint had an inkling that Steve had known and didn’t tell him; he’d lose his family jewels.

“You tell him. Right now, Phil’s running a special team and it could be we won’t cross paths. But something tells me he thinks that we believe he’s alive.” Tony answered as he patted Steve’s thigh.

“I wasn’t planning on anything else.” Steve knew he had to do this now because there was no way he could wait. His courage would run out and he would be nothing but a coward who couldn’t tell his lover that his supposedly dead husband was still alive.

“Thanks, Tony. For telling me.” Steve clarified before standing and leaving the room.

It took him some time to make his way back to the apartment he shared with Clint. Steve was only delaying the inevitable. He tried to ignore the small voice in his head that said he was losing yet another person he loved in his life. But this wasn’t like losing Bucky, Clint would be right there in front of him happy with Coulson while Steve faded away in the background.

When he was in front of the door, Steve hesitated. Could he really do this? Could he set Clint free so he could reconnect with Coulson? It was tearing Steve apart but he would deal. This time he didn’t want to do the right thing. He wanted to go into his apartment and kiss Clint senseless until only he existed.

Squaring his shoulders, Steve opened the door and stepped into the living room. Clint was on the couch, a bowl of popcorn on his lap and channel surfing. His hair was still a mess from when Steve had last seen him but the sight was something Steve loved coming home to. He wanted to curl into Clint and just forget that Tony had told him Phil Coulson was alive.

When Clint looked to Steve, he could tell something was wrong. The popcorn was shoved to the coffee table and he grabbed a crutch. He hobbled his way over to Steve’s prone form and touched his cheek, gaining his attention in the here and now.

Steve was broken, the way he looked at Clint said that his soul had been shattered to the point where it couldn’t possibly be put back together. Clint leaned against Steve and had his face in both hands, whispering to him to try and bring him out of his treacherous mind.

“Clint?” Steve asked, blinking. He was in the here and now, but for how long he didn’t know.

“Babe, where were you?” There was concern written on Clint’s handsome face. His eyes were searching Steve for any indication of a breakdown or injury. They were just standing in the door and he had to pull Steve in so the door could close and they could have privacy.

“Clint...I...don’t want to lose you. But Tony has found something.” Steve rasped. He grabbed Clint and helped him back to the couch and sat him down gently.

Steve did it more for himself than Clint because he didn’t know how he was going to break the news to him. He sat there for a few moments, steadying his breathing so he could at least tell Clint what the hell was going on.

“Baby, you know you won’t lose me.” Clint said as he pulled Steve against his chest and started to run his fingers through short, blond hair. It was partly soothing Steve’s nervousness and his doubts. But he knew, once he told Clint, he’d lose him forever.

“I will.” Steve whispered. “Tony hacked S.H.I.E.L.D. and has found out Agent Coulson is still alive.”

Clint went still, stopping his movements. Steve knew he had to pull away and so he did. He moved to the other end of the couch and sat there. Steve wanted to leave the room but he couldn’t just leave Clint here after dropping that little bomb on him. Steve didn’t know how he would react if someone had told him Bucky was alive after all these decades.

“He knows this for sure?” Clint asked, moving across the couch to touch Steve’s face and made him look at him.

“He does. But, Clint. He doesn’t remember your marriage at all.” Steve answered, leaning against the warm palm of Clint’s hand.

“What do you mean?” Clint’s voice held a danger in it Steve had only heard a few times.

Clint’s body was rigid and tense, coiled with deadly intent. He redrew his hand from Steve’s face to sit up. Steve didn’t know whether he should retreat or comfort Clint. He felt useless, just like on the train.

“Fury wiped his memory of the mission where you guys started to date and subsequently, all memory regarding how you interacted romantically.” Steve explained as best he could. He wanted to bolt, every nerve in his body screamed for him to do so.

“He did what?” Clint growled, pushing himself off the couch and heading for their phone. Clint had a direct line to Fury and Steve had no doubt the man would have his ass handed to him by Clint.

Steve sat for a few moments and watched as anger rolled off Clint in waves. He knew he’d lost, Coulson was still alive and Steve just couldn’t compete with that. Steve pushed off the couch with ease while Clint was preoccupied and made his way to his room.

Closing the door behind him, Steve leaned against it. He could feel the tears starting to fall and placed his face in his hand. Losing someone like this was worse than what he had expected. He could feel everything shattering in his mind.

Clint was probably relieved he could have Phil back. Steve was just a broken soldier who didn’t have a chance in this world, the voice in his head whispered. Steve staggered forward, trying to reach his bed because he couldn’t do this standing up.

He fell gracelessly on to the bed face first. Steve curled into a ball, feeling as small as he did before the serum had ever made an appearance in his life. Steve didn’t want to cry, it was weak and he liked to think he was far from that.

Clint would get a happy ever after with Coulson while Steve was left to pick up the pieces of his shattered soul. He wanted to be happy but he just couldn’t find it in himself. The past months he had with Clint had certainly taken the edge of his mind and had started to heal Steve.

But now, all that work would be undone and Steve would be just a shadow of himself. Steve would just disappear into the twenty-first century. The Avengers could function without him because his mind was telling him that Tony was right, everything that was ever special about Steve Rogers came out of a bottle.

Steve began to shiver as all his demons began to rush him, chipping away everything Clint had fought to restore. He was a mess that couldn’t be fixed now. No one would want him now and people wouldn’t want Captain America to protect them when he couldn’t even protect himself.

He barely registered the dipping of the bed and the arms that slid around his middle. Steve wasn’t sure if he was imagining things or if what was happening was actually real. He could smell Clint and Steve knew the contours of Clint’s body.

“Babe, come back to me.” Clint whispered, his hands were rubbing against Steve’s chest in a comforting manner. He had to establish his routine for Steve before he got worse because once Steve reached the point of no return, there was nothing Clint could do for him.

Steve could only mumble since he was lost deep in his mind. He had convinced himself that his mind had made up Clint being there. Steve was sure he was imagining it was Clint whispering in his ear that he wasn’t going to leave him. That they were in this for the long run and they would build a life together.

“That’s it, Steve. I’m here. I’m real and I’m not going anywhere. I told you, you’re stuck with me for life weeks ago. Phil being alive won’t destroy what we have.” Clint soothed, nuzzling the back of Steve’s neck. He grasped Steve’s hand and entwined their fingers together.

“Clint?” Steve mumbled. It felt like he was fevered, which hadn’t happened in such a long time. The fog around his head was thick but it was thinning slowly with each word from Clint’s mouth.

“Yes, baby. It’s me. I’m not leaving you, idiot. I love you, Steve. I know you might now believe me, but I fucking love you and I need you to come back to me. Please, babe.” Clint begged. His fingers tightened around Steve’s and he was able to finally able to settle his lover down. He could feel the tenseness move out of Steve’s muscles when he heard the words.

“Clint?” Steve said as turned around and faced his boyfriend. His eyes were clear as if he were seeing Clint for the first time in years.

“Yes, it’s me. You scared me, baby. Don’t do that okay?” Clint’s fingers brushed over Steve’s face as he kissed him on the lips.

“I thought-” Steve started but was cut off by Clint’s lips once again.

“I knew what you thought. I would never do that to you, Steve. I was angry Fury would do such a thing to Phil considering I know just how he brought Phil back. But if Phil doesn’t remember me, there is nothing there anymore and I’ve moved on, with you. I love waking up with you in the mornings and I love being with you on the couch.” Clint peppered Steve’s face with kisses, driving home just how he felt.

“I love you, Clint. It felt like I was losing someone I loved all over again and I was useless.” Steve buried his face into Clint’s neck and didn’t move. He felt safe laying like this with Clint’s body tangled with his own.

“I know, baby. I’m sorry. I should have thought of how you’d take this first. I know how your mind works. We’ll get through this and I’m not leaving you.” Clint’s hand cupped the back of Steve’s head and he just held his lover.

~*~

They were standing inside the building and Steve could still see the people milling outside. He was nervous as Clint fiddled with his suit. He had forgone the idea of wearing his Captain America costume. He was wearing a replica of his old military uniform because his original was in a museum somewhere and Fury couldn’t pull the strings he needed to get it for Steve.

He was nervous about the conference and he had the cue cards in his hands. Steve had read over them on the ride over and he wanted to chuck them out the window. Only Clint’s steady hand had kept him from doing so and Steve knew he wouldn’t stick to the cards. And Clint was more than aware of it.

“I don’t know what you’re planning on saying, but don’t go crushing minds by coming out of the closet.” Clint joked as he patted Steve’s chest.

“I think we can have our own conference for that. A year or so down the road, don’t want to break the American republic.” Steve quipped back as he stole a quick kiss.

“I know you’re not one to deflect a question either if it comes up,” Clint said as he pulled back. He knew Steve and he had an inkling that Steve would take as many liberties as he possibly could.

“You know me so well.” Steve joked and looked to the small crowd outside. Natasha was standing vigil at the podium, her hands in front of her body as she scanned the crowd.

Steve wasn’t quite sure why she was there but he wouldn’t question Fury’s decision. He felt there was something shady going on at S.H.I.E.L.D. lately and there was something the director wasn’t telling him. Steve felt that every time Fury hunted him down, it was for a different reason than what he came up with.

If he hadn’t been so good at reading people, Steve would have missed the misdirection of topic.

He had to wonder what Fury was up to and if he had been a lesser man, Steve would have asked Tony to hack S.H.I.E.L.D.’s mainframe. But as it stood, he would wait until Fury was comfortable to tell him.

Steve was sure that a part of it was Fury didn’t trust him. It unsettled Steve just a little bit because he was a man who liked to have all his cards before he played them. And if Fury was unwilling to give Steve information he would possibly need; then Steve was going into something blind.

The thought was irking to Steve. He could feel something was about to happen and whatever it was would set him adrift. Steve had Clint to keep him afloat but Steve was still wary that he wouldn’t be enough. The horizon was hazy and he wasn’t sure he should travel towards it.

“Steve?” Clint’s question pulled Steve from his mind and he looked over to his boyfriend and smiled.

“I’m sorry. It’s just Fury has me on edge right now.” Steve answered as he reached for the door. He didn’t want to step outside and become a scrap of meat to the lions. He had seen what the press was like in this age and he shuddered.

“Don’t worry, I’ll shower with you later to wash the stank off. Now here’s your shield, keep it under the podium,” Clint waggled his brows before pushing Steve outside with the shield in his hand.  

There was a flash of camera’s and Steve gave the crowd his best Captain America smile as he laid his cards down on the podium and his shield behind it. He stood there for a few minutes and Clint came from the building and stood to his back left. Clint took on the same stance as Natasha.

“Good afternoon. You’re probably wondering why you’ve been asked to attend such a thing for someone you haven’t heard of.” Steve began, his voice loud and drifting through the crowd. There was a no filming policy and he found it was being followed.

“My name is Steven Grant Rogers and I am Captain America.” So what if he had taken a page out of Tony’s book and had just blurted everything out. The press wasn’t allowed to ask questions but he could see their faces and he knew they were bursting to ask what was on their minds.

“I was just a kid from Brooklyn when I was given an amazing opportunity and had gone from this sickly, stick thin punk,” he grinned at the thought of Bucky, “to what you see today. A doctor was able to give me a new body so I could serve my country and protect it.”

He looked around the crowd and saw that he had their rapt attention. This wasn’t what Fury wanted but Steve felt compelled to tell the truth. And if he did, he would compromise the Avengers, but right now he couldn’t care. The people deserved to know about them and with a determined expression he continued.

“During the war, World War II, that is. There was another man who was given the same opportunity I had but he wasn’t ready and he was transformed into a monster. I’m not sure if he even made into the history books, I kinda don’t like reading about myself,” he chuckled nervously. He wasn’t sure if he was doing a good job and shot Clint a glance who only gave Steve a thumbs up.

“It’s weird reading about your own death. The Red Skull, the man I was talking about, had weapons that were powered by a cube, the Tesseract, which is no longer on earth.” Steve’s face hardened at the thought of what he had to do to protect his home state and the country. He touched his shield at the thought of Bucky and the train and took a deep breath.

“I lost a lot during the war and after my sleep. You see, I was involved with someone and I lost him on a mission,” he said and watched as several people raised their eyebrows at the admission. “I took it hard and I went after the Red Skull with a vengeance. I wanted blood for what I lost. But there was another drive there, pushing along with that feeling. The need to protect the lives of the American people.

“I landed a plane full of weapons we were not familiar with into the ocean. I had no other choice because there was no where to land and I would see the country I love reduced to ashes. I spent seventy years frozen in the ice until I was found by the Russians.” Steve took a pause because the hardest part was coming up and he would have to take it carefully.

“When I woke, I was lost. This was a future I never thought I would see. It was fast paced and loud, so different from my time. I’m not proud to admit it, but I had trouble until someone else came into my life. I won’t give out details, just that he has certainly pulled me from a place I did not like.”

Steve took a ragged breath and touched his shield. He risked a look at Clint who was shifting on his feet and if Steve hadn’t known what to look for, he would never have guessed Clint was blushing.

“I want to thank you for coming and I know it doesn’t seem like I’m Captain America, but if you look up the name Steven Grant Rogers, you’ll find everything you’ll want to know. God bless America.” Steve smiled before grabbing his shield and turned to collect Clint. He didn’t think anything of the glint on the opposite skyscraper, knowing that people worked in such places and that there were items that reflected light.

Steve heard the displacement of air as he leaned into Clint to tell him something. It was like time stood still and he raised his shield like the second nature it was to block the bullet that was definitely heading towards his lover. Steve lowered the shield low enough to try and track the path of the shooter.

When he caught sight of a man repelling down the side building in an alley, he knew he had his suspect. Steve made sure Natasha had the area secured before he took off. It was almost like that day back in Brooklyn when Erskine had been killed and Steve was running down his killer.

Except this time Clint hadn’t died even though it had been a close call. Steve knew he should have stayed by his boyfriend’s side but he had to know who had been trying to shoot him. He ran into the alley and saw his target at the end. The man was fast but Steve could be just as fast if not faster.

Steve turned the corner with ease and it was an dead end. It seemed like he had the other guy cornered when he turned around, brandishing a pistol. Steve wasn’t sure if a gunshot wound could kill him but he didn’t really want to test that out.

“Hey, I just want to talk, son.” Steve said. The mask on the man’s lower face didn’t phase Steve any.

He focused on the half hidden face and was startled by the blue-grey eyes Steve could almost picture Bucky’s eyes and the way they looked at him after a round of sex. But these eyes were cold, calculating and deadly. Steve was aware of that but he couldn’t help to step forward.

Steve’s eyes drifted down to the man’s neck and he caught sight of tags. Thinking they belonged to man, Steve reached out a hand but they were grabbed and Steve knew, just knew those tags.

"Bucky?" The name was ripped from Steve's lips before he even registered he said them.

It was like he was lost in a fog, Steve couldn’t help himself until he was closer to the assassin. With the way he dressed, there was no way the man was anything but. His metal arm glinted in the little sunlight that was seeping down into the alley.

That was all it took for the man to rush Steve even though there a second of hesitation and it threw Steve off guard. He was thrown against the wall and the man had an escape route. When Steve went after him, he was gone, and he couldn’t help but wonder how that had happened.

The blue eyes were distracting and had thrown Steve for a loop because they were so like Bucky’s. It was startling just how close they were, in fact they could have been the same; if Steve hadn’t seen Bucky die firsthand.

He stumbled out of the alleyway, people taking photo’s of him. There was a haunted look in Steve’s eye when Clint approached him and he knew something was wrong with Steve.

"Clint, that was Bucky. I don't how but it was him." Steve finally said. His face was ghost white and he fought hard not to break.

Deep down, he knew he wouldn’t break. But everything in Steve’s head clicked. Fury knew something about this shooting today and he had been aware someone was after Steve. He wasn’t stupid and knew that bullet had been meant for him. It was figuring out why Bucky would shoot at him; that had Steve stumped.

"You sure?" Clint asked. He wore a hard expression on his face and turned to Natasha.

Steve knew then Natasha had information on what had just happened. She might not have known it was Bucky behind that mask but she had been aware something was going to happen.

"He had my tags and where he fell, it was no man's land." Steve answered gruffly as they made it to a S.H.I.E.L.D. vehicle and slid into it.

"Who is he now, Natasha? Bucky didn't know me." Steve queried, blue eyes hards. He only relaxed a little when Clint took his hand.

"He is a legend, a nightmare, and an assassin. He goes by the codename The Winter Soldier." She answered flatly. It was like Natasha had turned into a completely different person; cold and unapproachable.

"Assassin?" Steve wanted to protest that Bucky would never be such a thing but it died on his lips. He wasn't too stupid or naive to know that something had changed.

"He trained me in the Red Room. We formed an attachment to each other. I made him almost human and they hated that." Natasha murmured, looking out of the window.

Steve wanted to be jealous that Bucky had found someone after him but he couldn't. There was something fond in Natasha's voice but it was like admiration for a big brother.

"He wore your tags and wouldn't let anyone take them. He could never explain why they were so important to him." Natasha's lips quirked into a smile. "He would tell me there was someone special out there and that they were probably dead and gone. He would get this sad look on his face and then the Red Room separated us and wiped his memory."

Steve felt as if someone had punched him in the gut. He hadn't expected to hear that information in particular. He could almost feel a headache coming on because this was a huge mess.

And the sad fact was Fury had known this the whole time.

Steve knew that when someone like Natasha deflected they would bring information. And Bucky's was well known since he was always at Steve's side. The question was now how would he handle this?

There was Clint to consider and there was no way Steve could leave him, even for Bucky. He stroked Clint's hand not only to comfort himself but to comfort his lover as well.

"Was Fury ever going to tell me?" Steve asked after a long moment of silence.

"Not as far as I'm aware of. There is a kill on sight order for the Winter Soldier." Again Natasha was unwavering but Steve could tell she didn't like the orders anymore than Steve.

"We are going have to change those orders." Steve said grimly. Clint was awfully silent beside and he knew he was thinking of Loki.

Bucky's position was similar to Clint's, that much was true. But Bucky was under the Soviet's control much longer and Steve knew it would take a miracle to break Bucky free.

"I think the fact he shot at me rather than Steve is a good indicator." Clint finally broke the silence that had followed Steve.

"The Winter Soldier is possessive if nothing else." Natasha agreed. "He has never disobeyed an order like today and it is only a baby step. There is a long road ahead of us and I cannot guarantee our safety. Yasha is a dangerous man and he has never let a target live, no matter their age."

“So what made me different?” Steve asked, his hand moving from Clint’s to play with the short hair at the nape of his neck.

“I’m not sure. I’ve never seen him falter.” Natasha admitted with an air of uncertainty. She pursed her lips and it was the first sign of any emotion Steve had seen on her since this conversation began.

“I’m sure there will be more opportunities. Fury will want to keep you safe but we can’t have that if we want to get him alive.” Clint added, finally speaking up. He was leaning slightly into Steve’s warm hand as they plotted.

The agent driving was nothing to worry about since they were a friend to both Natasha and Clint. Steve had never been more grateful to have known the Avengers in that moment. It was nice to have at something familiar in his life. Clint’s presence at his side was the biggest factor of all and had settled him into normalcy.

The rest of the ride went by slowly and Steve couldn’t leave the SUV fast enough. Clint was hot on his heels as they entered the Tower. He didn’t care he had left Natasha behind since she could take care of herself and they were at the Tower already.

Steve was just too emotionally drained to deal with Fury and his eventual debriefing. Right now with the way he was feeling, Steve would have punched the director. It wouldn’t have been in his best interest but he just didn’t care.

Clint followed behind Steve, silent as he was in the SUV. Steve wasn’t sure where they were headed with their future but he knew Clint would be at his no matter what and it partly settled the storm in him.

There was no home right now and Steve was thankful. Tony would be full of questions and mother henning over Steve because no one got hurt on his watch. And if they did, Tony would hover until he was sure they were okay.

As soon as Steve entered their room he began to strip. He was tired of this day and just wanted to forget everything he had learned. Clint was following Steve’s lead and stripped as well down to his boxers.

Together they crawled onto the bed and Steve just curled around Clint. His skin was warm to the touch and Steve pressed a kiss to Clint’s bare shoulder. He pressed his face into the back of Clint’s neck and just breathed his scent in deeply through his nose.

Somehow Steve found Clint’s hand and laced their fingers together, squeezing gently.


	3. What Once Was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the discovery of Phil, some views are skewed and Steve feels he doesn't have long with Clint.

It was April’s Fools and so far Steve had been immune to Clint’s various pranks. The tower had been a disaster and Tony had begged him to keep his ‘pet’ under control before he chucked him outside into the cold, naked. Steve had just laughed Tony off, in one of his better moods, and told Tony that he’d do the same to Coulson if Clint were to suffer such a fate.

 

Things were still rocky as far as Coulson went. Not too long after Tony had discovered that Coulson was still kicking, he’d brought him to the tower. The secret of his survival was marked as top secret and no one was allowed to discuss with him. But Phil was a smart man and he knew something was up.

 

Steve had been there for Clint, staying up with him when he couldn’t sleep. They did nothing on those nights but watch old movies. There were no words that could be said about their situation. Both men had lovers come back to life.

 

And Steve still wasn’t sure about what to do with Bucky. He wanted to believe the man he had loved was under the assassin but it was hard to tell. Just because he had missed his mark several times, didn’t mean he was conscious.

 

Natasha’s explanations of what had happened in the Red Room had left Steve with nightmares. Most of the time he was able to leave the bed without Clint noticing. But the man always knew; he just didn’t say anything. It wasn’t like he was innocent either. Both men had their own demons and there were times they just needed to be alone.

 

It wasn’t like those times affected their relationship either. Steve knew when not to push Clint and vice versa. They were still dealing with their newfound status as lovers and it was hard to do so when two dead men came back into the picture.

 

Steve knew Clint was hurt that Coulson didn’t remember their relationship. Clint wouldn’t admit to looking for some small hint that Phil at least recognized that they’d had something special.

 

But there was no recognition.

 

And Steve knew Clint was searching the smallest sign because of Bucky. It hurt to know that Clint would leave their bed because he was chasing after a part of Phil that didn’t exist anymore. Steve couldn’t hold that against Clint because he knew, knew how it felt to be confronted by your dead lover.

 

He had more going for him than Clint did because on some level Bucky recognized Steve and couldn’t bring himself to kill him. It was disconcerting to learn that The Winter Soldier would only take shots at Hawkeye if he was standing too close to Captain America. Steve had tried to catch up with him every time, but Bucky was too fast and even Natasha couldn’t match his speed. He’d been in this lifestyle for longer than she had.

 

Steve felt as though he and Clint were falling apart. There was no guarantee that Steve would even take Bucky back. Sure, his lover was buried deep in the conscious of an assassin, but could he even be coaxed out? And if he wasn’t what would they even do with him? The Winter Soldier was too dangerous to keep alive.

 

And that thought put more fear into Steve than anything else.

 

He was barely holding onto his mind with Clint there to support him but the recent late nights without him in their bed was starting to get to Steve. He was starting to feel as though Clint wanted to break away to see if he could pursue Phil. And Steve couldn’t blame him for that. If a fire could be rekindled between them who was he to stop something like that?

 

Until he got the signal, Steve would stay by Clint’s side. It was just how he was and even though there was a chance Clint would leave him; he’d still live on. He would just be as lonely as when he woke from the ice.

 

The thought almost terrified Steve. He remembered how awful the days and weeks had been after he’d woken. The world had changed too much and he didn’t have someone there to support him through everything.

 

S.H.I.E.L.D. had just thrown him into the world without a guide and Steve couldn’t handle it. He had ended up in some alley just to get away from the noise and the crowds. It was too much to handle at once and he felt as though he were living in someone else’s skin because it sure hadn’t felt like his own.

 

After that, he had holed himself in the gym and proceeded to murder the punching bags. If he could do nothing else, he at least had that. And if Clint somehow managed to coax Phil into remembering their relationship, the punching bags would still be there.

 

They weren’t going anywhere and Steve still had his membership to that particular gym. It felt nice to get out of the Tower and go to a place that was at least familiar. The gym might not smell like the ‘40s but at least it reminded him of home.

 

With Clint by his side adjusting had been a bit easier. Steve understood things better as Clint demonstrated or explained what was happening. The internet became easier to use even though Steve was terrified of Tumblr. That was one experience he never wanted to relive ever again.

 

Clint, of course, had laughed his ass off at Steve’s horrified expression and proceeded to take a picture on his cell phone. It was now the wallpaper of every Avenger’s cell phone, save for Thor since he was offworld a lot. It didn’t do him any good to have it when Tony couldn’t get it to work in other realms.

 

Those were the times Steve knew he would miss once Clint decided to leave him. To Steve, it wasn’t an if, there was never doubt in his mind Clint would leave him now that Phil was alive. All it would take was Phil gaining his memory his back. Steve was sure he’d have no problem since Clint was dropping hints here and there, much to Tony’s displeasure.

 

Ever since Coulson had returned to the Tower, Tony had been looking out for the agent. It was odd to see Tony mother henning to Steve. But he guessed he hadn’t noticed it before since he had kept his distance.

It wasn’t like Steve had done it on purpose. With putting the plane down in the arctic and then waking up, Steve had realized that the world had moved on without him. He had felt no one needed Captain America and certainly didn’t need plain old Steve Rogers. It was a blow that had hit Steve hard.

 

But Clint had come along and Steve had someone who was supporting him. Things had gotten just a little easier but it wasn’t sunshine and roses. Clint was an anchor that kept Steve grounded and while it wasn’t healthy to rely on another person that much; Steve did. He counted on Clint to soothe him after he went into a rage or was having a struggle.

 

And now, Steve didn’t even have that. Clint was so focused on his new goal that he had lost sight of Steve. He couldn’t hold it against the other man because this was Clint and he had been good to Steve while everything had lasted. Steve couldn’t have asked for a better partner than Clint before Coulson had shown up.

 

He didn’t resent Phil; there was no way that he ever could. His situation with Clint shouldn’t be taken out on a man who couldn’t remember his lover. Steve would have broken it off with Clint except he was being a little selfish.

 

Steve would hold onto the last good thing in his life before everything went to hell. He was sure sooner or later Bucky wouldn’t miss him and it’d be lights out. If they couldn’t catch him at this point then there was no reason to continue.

 

He had all but given up.

 

And Steve had been known for being stubborn as a mule. If Clint left, Steve didn’t know if he could hold up if they were to end what they had. Now the thoughts were circling in his head and Steve couldn’t shake them.

 

They consumed him as he continued to punch the bag in front of him. The recruits were out to lunch and Steve had time to himself for a bit and had chosen to participate in his favorite past time. It seemed that S.H.I.E.L.D. had taken a note out of Tony’s book and reinforced the bag for his endurance. It held up fine if he wasn’t working through his frustrations and was just working out.

 

But if Steve was feeling like he was today; the bag wouldn’t stand a chance. He repeated the punches in different patterns just to switch it up a little because sometimes Steve hated being predictable. It had worked when he first woke up and needed to just punch something. But as Steve continued he found that if he were to go into the field again; he needed to change his routine.

 

Soon he had worked up a sweat and Steve had to stop himself. He wanted to work out more of his frustrations but he needed to meet Clint for lunch. They had a set time for when they wanted to meet up and normally they stuck to the schedule unless one of them had a mission. It was a great arrangement because was happy to see Clint after spending his time trying to teach a bunch of know-it-alls. The new recruits were the worst and Steve had no problem taking them down a peg, even if it earned him the nickname ‘Captain Hard-Ass.’

 

Steve didn’t mind the nickname, he’d certainly been called a lot worse when he was nothing but a stick trying to stand up for himself. He didn’t really miss those days because even though people noticed him, it was always in the wrong way. And he paid for it. Nowadays, in this future, he was even more noticeable and sometimes it wasn’t even the kind of attention Steve wanted; unless it was from Clint.

 

He steadied the punching bag and left the gym. The showers weren’t that far and Steve always kept his things there since it was simpler and he was able to lock his storage unit. The ones on S.H.I.E.L.D. property, no matter where they were, had quite a bit of room. Steve took advantage of it and stuffed his shield into the lockers in the showers with a lock that opened to his fingerprint, a gift from Tony after the first time his shield had been taken.

 

That day wasn’t thought of much anymore and the agent had never reported Steve for what he had done. And Steve had meant to apologize but he didn’t run into the man that much and seeking him out would seem a bit too suspicious because even Fury could find out what happened if Steve so much sought the agent out.

 

The showers were empty and Steve sighed in relief. It wasn’t that he didn’t mind the other men being around, but sometimes they got a little too rambunctious for his tastes. While he did horse around with Clint, this was different. Steve didn’t really know these men because he only trained them; he didn’t go on missions with them and therefore was unable to bond with them in a way most C.O.’s did.

 

He undressed and neatly folded his clothes so he could set them on the bench in front of the lockers. Steve was methodical and his habits were hard to break. Clint had a hard time breaking Steve of his habit of waking at the crack of dawn. So far, Steve was able to sleep in until at least nine. And even then he grumbled a little until Clint kissed him senseless.

 

Those mornings would be missed where they could just lie in bed and tease each other with little kisses. Steve had no doubt Clint would leave him, and soon. It was written in the way he pulled away from him whenever Phil entered the room. The look of want never left Clint’s face as he watched Phil’s every move.

 

Only for Tony to frown at Clint.

 

Steve wasn’t sure why Tony would do such a thing. He and Clint were best friends if Steve’s memory was serving him right. They were almost inseparable. But lately, Tony had been...distant to Clint. They weren’t hanging out as much as they used to and it seemed their video game was cancelled until further notice.

 

Neither man was speaking and Steve wanted to know what was broken between them. It was obvious something had happened but it wasn’t something that was in plain sight. No one could get Tony to talk like Clint about what was bothering him and Steve wasn’t about to try because he was afraid of risking their newfound friendship and take twenty steps back.

 

It was a dilemma and Steve didn’t like it all that much. He couldn’t help the people he considered friends, even if they didn’t know it. He knew the team thought Steve didn’t want anything to do with them with the way he avoided any sort of activity. But the truth was, Steve was scared of losing something he found. It was like that one Disney movie Tony had made him watch, Lilo and Stitch, well almost. He didn’t want to think about it because that movie had made Steve unbalanced for weeks. It hit him hard in the heart and had never really left his mind.

 

Steve grabbed a towel from his locker before realizing something was missing. His shield wasn’t sitting where it should have been. It should have been resting against the back of the locker but the space was empty.

 

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Steve slammed the locker door shut. No one should have been able to get into his locker, Tony had promised him the lock wouldn’t allow anyone else access to it. And yet it was empty.

 

He had to jerk his clothes on because Steve needed to find his shield. It was still a trigger for him and Steve needed to get it back. He had to have it back in his hands so he could calm down. But as he stormed out of the locker room, Steve felt the familiar rage engulf him. It was no wonder Bruce turned into the Hulk. If Erskine had made the same mistake as Bruce had, Steve would be a green rage monster too.

 

The shield was nowhere near the locker room and when he asked the agents milling around they had no answer. Steve kept the search up because the longer he went without the shield, the more he could feel his world closing in around him.

 

Clint wasn’t around to put his arm around Steve and reassure him that they would find it. Clint had a way of just calm Steve down to the point where he wouldn’t kill someone if he found them with his shield.

 

Steve was hyper aware that he needed to find Clint but he couldn’t. His shield was more important right now because it was missing. It had been with Steve longer than Clint had and it took priority. Of course Clint not being around lately had a huge impact. If the other man had shown more interest, Steve would have been searching for Clint instead to calm himself down.

 

It hurt knowing he couldn’t go to Clint because Steve knew, just knew Clint was probably hanging around Phil trying to get him to remember their relationship. Steve hadn’t know his trust had broken that much since he had promised Clint he’d go to him if he felt as though he were having an episode.

 

The halls seemed to go on forever as Steve stalked through them. He could feel the coils of anger spread even further and deeper into his mind; taking root and holding steady. Steve’s fingernails were still digging into his palms by the time he had made it to the mess hall.

 

And what he saw sent him off in a fury. The man who had his shield was making fun of Steve and tossing the shield around as though he were Captain America and stammering complete bullshit Steve would never say.

 

The people surrounding the junior agent were laughing and egging him on, wanting more and receiving it. There was no one stopping them and that dug at Steve very deep. He half expected to see Clint here but there was no trace of his boyfriend. Steve would have liked to hope that if Clint had seen this, he would have stopped it. Steve continued to watch for a few more moments and the more he watched; the more the anger grew.

 

Until it erupted when another junior agent joined the first and re-enacted a scene Steve had seen more than a thousand times in his dreams. White hot anger surged through him, burning his veins as it seethed below his skin; ready to burst.

 

Steve wasted no time crossing the room and grabbing the young man by the front of his shirt. The shield had been dropped when Steve had lifted him up in shock. It was evident the man hadn’t expected to be caught this soon after taking what had been Steve’s.

 

“Why’d you take it?” Steve growled, fist clenching at his side.

 

“Chill, dude, it was just an April’s Fools joke.” The cocky grin on the agent’s face didn’t sit right with Steve. It was like the guy didn’t care that he had invaded Steve’s privacy and had stolen what was his.

 

“This was a poor idea.” Steve answered gruffly. He was holding himself back even though he just wanted to punch the agent’s face in. This was very similar to the last time his shield had been taken. That man had been beaten almost to death before Steve had been able to pull himself out of grief and anger.

 

“I’m starting to realize that.” The man replied, gulping. It was obvious he didn’t want to be in this position and wanted to get out of it very, very quickly.

 

Back some time ago, Steve would have punched him. Hell, he still entertained the thought of doing so. The eyes on him didn’t phase Steve all that much since it was like when he was younger. The fights back then had been full of young men who would egg the bullies on. This time though, there was no one yelling ‘fight, fight.’ It was silent because Captain America was threatening a junior agent.

 

“Do it again and I won’t be responsible for what happens to you.” Steve warned, throwing the agent to the table and watching as it broke under his weight. He could have done a lot worse to the man but Steve wanted Clint to realize that he made him a better person and he couldn’t do this alone.

 

He was picking up his shield when Clint came bursting into the room with Fury not too far behind him. Fury didn’t look all that happy but Steve just didn’t care. As far as he was concerned, he’d done things right because someone had stolen his property.

 

“Captain, there a problem?” Fury asked, hands in front of him and standing feet apart.

 

“Not anymore, sir.” Steve responded automatically. He didn’t care much for Fury and his manipulative ways. The whole fiasco with Bucky was enough to have Steve avoiding Fury and not listening to the stand down order he’d been given. Fury was well aware of his attempts to go after Bucky.

 

“Good. We’ll have a meeting tomorrow, first thing in the morning, o eight hundred sharp.” Fury walked away before Steve could argue and left him standing next to Clint.

 

“Come on, babe.” Clint whispered, grabbing Steve’s and leading him away from the prying eyes in the cafeteria. Everyone knew Steve was in deep shit because of how he had thrown the other man like he was a pancake. But it didn’t matter to Steve that much at all.

 

Steve allowed Clint to lead him out of the mess hall and to a room that they sometimes used when they were on mission. They were alone and Steve was still clutching his shield tight. He didn’t know what was going on or why Clint had been so quick to get to him since he was preoccupied with Phil. It was odd to have Clint’s attention on him like this after being almost ignored for the past few weeks.

 

“Steve, babe, I’m an assbutt.” Clint said softly as he grabbed Steve’s wrist and pulled him close. He cradled Steve as best he could with their slight difference in height. He played with the short hairs at the nape of his boyfriend’s neck.

 

“I thought you were an asshole?” Steve snorted against Clint’s neck. His body was still filled tension but the way Clint was holding him spoke volumes. His arms were wound around Steve like he would never let ago.

 

It was what Steve needed right now. He needed Clint to be his rock and just stabilize him like he normally did. The fingers kept playing at his hair and Steve just melted. Clint didn’t have to say anything about how sorry he was; it was written in his body language.  

 

"Jesus, babe," Clint whispered when Steve pulled away from him. His hands were framing Steve's face gently as Clint got a good look at Steve.

 

"I was a pigheaded assbutt and I'm gonna make it up to you." Clint pressed a kiss to Steve's forehead. He then proceeded to pull Steve to their bed and they laid there.

 

"At least you knew you were wrong." Steve answered as he plastered himself to Clint's side. Bucky had always he was too forgiving for his own good. But he felt it was the necessary move right now. He needed Clint to survive, which wasn’t exactly healthy but Steve just didn’t give a shit.

 

“Hey, I have no trouble admitting I’m wrong-”

 

“Except when Tony is involved.” Steve cut in with a soft smile against Clint’s neck. He liked the way Clint held because he knew just how deadly those hands were and what they could do if anyone ever threatened Steve.

 

“You listen in way too much.” Clint snorted. He continued to press kisses to Steve’s head, just making up for the time they had lost recently because of his pigheadedness. Phil was no longer his and he would have to accept that. What he had with Steve was just as real and to Clint that was enough. It just took an incident like this to wake Clint up.

 

It certainly left a sour taste in Clint's mouth and he would make up for it in his own way.

 

"Someone has to keep you two from killing each other." Steve chuckled. He was a little more relaxed and the tension had left his shoulders. It was a good indicator that Steve was fine now.

 

"Please, like we would." Clint countered playfully. He found Steve's hand and threaded their fingers together; a promise that he wouldn't abandon Steve again for any reason as they fell asleep.

 

~*~

 

Fury's office wasn't what Steve had anticipated at all. He had been expecting a room that was sleek and shiny, not homey and almost cozy. It was a shock to see the old couch in the corner that looked comfortable enough to sleep on. There was a coffee ring on the mahogany desk and Fury didn’t pay it any mind as he stared Steve down.

 

He had been told to dress down and so Steve had. He wasn’t wearing his Captain America uniform, but the regulation S.H.I.E.L.D. suit for when he wasn’t on mission but was needed at the base. He was curious as to what Fury had wanted since earlier this morning when he woke up.

 

Clint had tried distracting because apparently, he was sexy as hell in a suit. Steve didn’t get his partner’s attraction to the suit but just went along with it because this was Clint and he was unbearable until he got his way. Steve had recently managed being able to placate Clint so that the suit wouldn’t get ruined.

 

“Sir?” Steve asked as he watched Director Fury take a look up at the ceiling. There something between an amused and sadistic expression on his face and Steve wasn’t sure if he liked it.

 

“Just a moment, Captain Rogers.” Fury said as he grabbed a broom that was set in a corner. The broom was lifted until the blunt end was resting against the ceiling. Steve wondered just what Fury was trying to do; maybe he finally lost his mind trying to deal with The Avengers.

 

“Barton! Get your ass out of the vent!” Fury growled as he took the broom and started to hit the ceiling. There wasn’t a sound that came from above them and Steve started to think Fury was just crazy.

 

“I know you’re up there! Don’t fucking make me get Hill.” Fury threatened. The cursing would have made Steve flinch if he hadn’t been used to it. The army had desensitized him long ago despite what Tony thought and liked to spread around.

 

There were a few moments more of silence before a hatch opened and Clint dropped down from the vent. He brushed some dirt off his arm and gave Fury a glare before walking over to Steve and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

 

“Do you have a spidey-sense? Because there is no way you should have known.” Clint said lowly as he eyed the director suspiciously.

 

“I do not have spidey-sense, Agent Barton.” Fury growled as he put the broom up. He turned back to Steve and Clint and looked them up and down.

 

“You totally do! You’re Parker’s biological father!” Clint snickered as he pointed an accusing finger at Fury.

 

"If you don't shut it, Barton, I'm kicking your ass out." Fury threatened. Whatever had been on Clint's died and Steve couldn't help but laugh a little.

 

Clint nudged Steve with his shoulder to let him know he was there and that he wasn't leaving.  It was comforting to Steve to have Clint by his side. Fury knew he wouldn't be able to get the agent to move from the room.

 

"You're here, Captain Rogers, because two other agents have reported that you assaulted them. One of them which I happened to walk in on." Fury began, keeping his good eye on Steve.

 

He couldn’t deny the truth. Steve had in fact assaulted two men and he hadn’t been proud of that fact. He couldn’t use his PTSD as an excuse and he stood still and nodded that he understood what Fury was saying. He didn’t mind being reprimanded for his behavior and he had been expecting it to be honest.

 

“I understand that it’s not entirely your fault but something has to be done.” Fury put his hands behind his back and regarded Steve for several moments before speaking again. “You won’t be punished for something that is reflex for you. But you will be seeing a specialist. It’s obvious that Barton is of some help. There is no room for argument or you will find yourself out of a job.”

 

Steve didn’t have much to say. He wanted to keep his position at S.H.I.E.L.D. and continue his work with the Avengers. There was no doubt he’d be benched as well from the team. They needed him, Steve had no illusions that he was an integral part of the Avengers dynamic.

 

“That is acceptable, sir.” Steve answered. He didn’t have much to say and would follow the orders. It couldn’t hurt anything to talk to someone and Clint would be there so Steve knew he’d be able to handle it.

 

“Good. Your first appointment is this Wednesday at three. Both of you will have that as a ‘day off’ so to speak so that you can attend the appointment. That’s all I needed. Oh, and, Captain, here’s the card. If you want to look into the therapist.” Fury brandished a smooth white card and handed it off to Steve before he and Clint left the office.

 

“You’re not gonna think you’re weak are you?” Clint asked once they were in the hall, the door shut behind him. He knew that sometimes Steve was still trapped in the ‘40s but Clint knew the man hated therapists.

 

“No. I won’t like it, but it might help, Clint.” Steve answered softly as he sought out Clint’s hand. He didn’t like this new territory but something had to give and Clint could only do so much. Steve knew their relationship was still a little rocky and they were unsure of each with their exes back in their lives.

 

Bucky still wasn’t himself but the shots he was taking at Clint were getting out of hand and Steve knew something had to be done. If it had been up to Fury, Bucky would have been dead. But Steve knew there was some kind of redemption for him and that all he had to do was spark something inside Bucky.

 

“It’ll be okay, sweetheart. I’m here for you.” Clint leaned in closer to Steve and ignored the staff that stared after them. It wasn’t unusual for them to walk around headquarters attached to each other. But there were agents who weren’t okay with them dating and then you had the new recruits who didn’t know that Captain America and Hawkeye were a thing.

 

“That almost sounds corny, scratch that. It does sound corny and like a chick flick.” Steve snarked as he playfully pushed Clint. He was spending too much time with Tony and getting caught up on everything in the modern world.

 

“I’m gonna limit your time with Tony,” Clint deadpanned as they left headquarters. It was a good thing Natasha hadn’t needed the jet today since Tony had only given them one. He was working on smaller units but there were more pressing matters on Tony’s plate at the moment.

 

The flight back to the tower wasn’t all that silent. Clint filled the space with his constant chatter which Steve didn’t mind. He had offered to steer the plane but Clint had pushed Steve away and sat down. Steve naturally had joined Clint by sitting to his left. They never got tired of having the other around but Phil still remained unresolved between them.

 

“You know, after I pulled my head out of my ass, I realized that Phil didn’t need me anymore.” Clint said softly when they arrived at the tower. Everyone was gone for the day and the two men had it to themselves. Clint would have suggested christening every inch if he knew J.A.R.V.I.S. hadn’t been ordered to watch them.

 

“Clint, we really don’t have to talk about this.” Steve sighed as he kicked his shoes off. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to speak about this but it was just soon for Steve.

 

“Babe,” Clint said helplessly as he approached Steve and touched his cheek reverently. His fingers traced the soft curve of Steve’s cheek before he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips. “We need to speak about it. We have to work past this so that we can be stronger than before. And don’t you dare tell me what I said was girly.”

 

Steve suppressed a chuckle and returned the kiss eagerly. Clint was bestowing him with affection lately and while Steve didn’t mind it, it felt like Clint was attempting to make up with him when Steve didn’t really hold a grudge against Clint.

 

“I won’t say a word. But I will say, I’m glad you came back to me, Clint. I know I’m a mess but having you here means a lot to me. I can’t blame you for chasing after Phil, but he has a new life and what you had is gone. I don’t want to say it and I know you don’t want to admit it,” Steve took a deep breath to settle his nerves.

“No, Steve, you’re right. I needed to hear that. I know now I was wrong but hey, just think of the kinky make up sex we can have now.” Clint waggled his brows as his hands skirted under Steve’s shirt.

 

“That’s all you want?” Steve’s voice was husky, a little bit of lust leaking in. He couldn’t deny Clint anything when he was in his space like this. All rational thought just fled and if Steve had been a lesser man, he would have pushed Clint against the wall and have his way. But there were more important things they needed to take care of first.

 

“No and you know it.” Clint pressed his lips to Steve’s and drug him into the kitchen. He made sure to keep touching his lover to make up for everything he had missed while his head had been up his ass.

 

Steve just laughed and pushed Clint away so he could start to make lunch. One of his favorite foods was pizza and Steve had made it so many times by now that he was a master. Every so often Clint would brush against him and drift a hand over Steve’s back or shoulder; just letting him know he was close.

 

Somehow, Steve had managed to coax Clint into helping him with the crust. It was a feat none of the other Avengers had managed but then again, they weren’t sleeping with Clint. Steve had a pull he was unaware of and Clint preferred it that way. He wasn’t quite ready for Steve to know about the power he had over him.

 

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Steve but himself. He wanted to tell when he was ready and not a moment before. Clint pressed himself to Steve’s side in an effort to escape his thoughts and started to tease him. He was getting dough everywhere but Steve wasn’t complaining; only giving Clint a smile that said he didn’t mind.

 

“You’re such a distraction,” Steve laughed when he pushed Clint out of his way. He needed to get to the stove so he could pop the pizza in. His body was letting him know that he absolutely had to eat.

 

Steve resented his metabolism because it meant he was always eating. Tony had established a schedule for him when he wasn’t on mission so that he could stagger his meals out. Clint didn’t mind that Steve ate more than the average person and patiently waited for him to finish when they went out.

 

“I try my best.” Clint quipped. He used his body to force Steve against the table and kissed him slowly. It was a long kiss, Clint mapping out what he already knew. He said everything he couldn’t in words with it.

 

He told Steve he missed him; that he cherished him and so much more. There was need underlying all the messages and it was basic; an intent Steve was familiar with. His hands rested on Steve’s hips and drew circles through the jeans the other man had been wearing. It had taken months for Clint to talk Steve into wearing jeans instead of slacks and the view of Steve’s ass was spectacular.

 

Clint’s other hand slipped around to palm at the body part in question. He loved how firm it was in his hand and how he could squeeze it. The action never failed to to get Steve at least a little hard and panting.

 

“Clint...” Steve breathed deeply when the other pulled away. He trailed after Clint’s lips wanting more with half-lidded eyes. They had a few minutes yet for the pizza and Steve enjoyed heavy make out sessions that left him hard and wanting more.

 

“Later, babe. I promise.” Clint said as he pressed one last kiss to Steve’s lips.

 

“I hate to interrupt, sirs, but Director Fury is on the line,” J.A.R.V.I.S. broke the spell that had fallen over them.

 

“Put him through,” Steve sighed wearily. He wasn’t even away from S.H.I.E.L.D. for an hour and Fury was already badgering him.

 

“Captain. I need you and Agent Barton back at headquarters.” Fury’s voice left no room to argue and was an order that both men wanted to ignore completely. The aroma of pizza was tempting.

 

“With all due respect, director, you dismissed us for the day.” Steve countered, frowning. He didn’t mind going in but he wanted the rest of day for him and Clint to be lazy.

 

“It’s a matter that can’t be discussed on this line. I will tell you that we have an old friend in custody and both of you are needed. You both are to come in or I will send Coulson after the both of you.” Fury’s thread hung in the air and the call was disconnected.

 

Steve immediately fell against Clint because he knew exactly who Fury had in S.H.I.E.L.D. custody and he wasn’t about to let him to be interrogated by strangers. Clint put an arm around Steve’s shoulder and only nodded. Bucky and Steve may have been lovers but he understood what it was like to not be under your own power and that’s exactly what it was with the Winter Soldier. Bucky Barnes was a victim in this and Clint couldn’t hate the man.

 

The pizza was pulled from the oven and Steve grabbed a few Tupperware containers. They would eat on their way to the helicarrier. There wasn’t any need to waste the food when he could eat it on the go.

  
“It’ll be okay,” Clint reassured Steve before they entered the jet and took off.


	4. What Comes Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is finally cornered in S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters.

The man sitting behind the glass window certainly shared one James Buchanan Barnes face, but from the way he held himself, Steve Rogers knew it was the Winter Soldier in charge. His body was tightly coiled like it would strike at any moment. Bucky never sat like that unless he was sniping from a post.

 

He wanted to barge in and demand to know where his best friend was. Steve knew it was useless, though, because Bucky was buried too deep within his mind. It hurt to think that he would never re-surface with all of the brainwashing the Russians had performed on him.

 

Even now, the soldier's movements lacked the enthusiasm Bucky's always held. There was no smile on his face that said 'I know something you don't' and Steve had to turn away. That man in there wasn't Bucky.

 

"It's the Winter Soldier," Steve told Fury. He didn’t want to even admit to himself but there was nothing that could be done. The possibility of Bucky being gone forever was a wound that ran deep in Steve. It wasn’t hard to see the effect the Winter Soldier had on Steve even though there was a wall between them.

 

“How can you tell?” Fury asked, intrigued that Steve had been able to determine what they could not with a single glance.

 

“Body language. He’s not sitting how Bucky would; he’s too tense and it’s like he’s ready to strike.” Steve offered the information because there wasn’t much else he could do. Clint was beside him but made didn’t move except placing a hand on Steve’s shoulder. It offered Steve more comfort than he had imagined it would.

 

“Thank you for your input, Captain Rogers. We’ll proceed with an interrogation.” There was an obvious dismissal from Fury, but Steve was hung up on the fact that they would be interrogating Bucky and it made him sick on his stomach. Winter Soldier, or not, that was still Bucky.

 

“What kind of interrogation, sir?” Steve may have been a little bit harsh with his tone, but this was Bucky and they had history. He was responsible for what happened to Bucky and he wouldn’t allow any sort of harm to come to his body.

 

“That, I believe, is none of your business.” Fury left little room for argument as he took off and closed off the window to the interrogation room.

 

“Babe, he’ll be fine.” Clint’s voice cut off any intention Steve had of going after Fury and shaking the ever-loving shit out of him. Bucky was a hero, had been awarded medals even though he hadn’t been there to claim them. The whole situation just didn’t sit well with Steve.

 

“What will they do to him? I know the Winter Soldier has done horrible things, but, Clint, how does S.H.I.E.L.D. conduct their interrogations?” Steve’s eyes were blue when he turned to face his lover. They were full of fear and worry for his best friend and ex-lover and Clint couldn’t blame him.

“I’m not authorized to tell you.” Clint’s words were really all the proof Steve needed. This interrogation was not going to be pretty and Steve wouldn’t like it at all. It was something he wanted to prevent, but he couldn’t do that entirely.

 

“Maybe I can be of assistance,” Tony’s voice was like a godsend when he entered the room with Phil tagging along behind him. The agent was gaining color back in his face and it seemed like he was moving better than before. Whatever S.H.I.E.L.D. medical had done for Phil Coulson, it was a miracle.

 

“You’re going to break protocol aren’t you?” Clint asked with a raised eyebrow. He couldn’t control what Tony did and he wouldn’t breaking his contract with S.H.I.E.L.D. if Tony was the one to break into a video feed, which Clint was pretty sure he was doing at that very moment.

 

“You signed a contract, buttercup, not me.” Tony’s smile was genuine even though it was his devil may care one. This was the Tony everyone in the Tower had the pleasure of knowing; even if it caused a few small fights between Steve and Tony.

 

“You know I don’t approve of this, it’s bad enough I’m going to witness you breaking into the server,” Phil said with a small sigh. His hand never left Tony’s back when the other turned to place a quick kiss against a worrying frown.

 

Steve watched Clint out of the corner of his eye, but there was no reaction to what had taken place. If anything, his grip became tighter on Steve’s shoulder as if to say he was okay and that it didn’t bother him. It was a relief to Steve, and he placed his own hand over Clint’s. This was the way they communicated sometimes because both of them didn’t need words to say how they felt about each other.

 

“Well, honey, get used to it. You’re gonna to see a lot of things you might not like,” Tony waggled his brows as the screen on his tablet lit up. “Oh look! Contact! J.A.R.V.I.S. you’re a miracle child.”

 

“I would hardly be called a child, sir. But I do like the miracle part,” J.A.R.V.I.S. bantered back. “There is no detection of my presence so far and it seems like they have already started on Sergeant Barnes.”

 

“I like to flatter you, J.A.R.V.I.S. seriously. Learn to take a compliment.” Tony rolled his eyes before returning them to the screen. He was intent as he watched, knowing that Steve couldn’t watch it. He didn’t want a rampaging Captain America on the Helicarrier.

 

"Tony, can I please?" Steve asked, gesturing to the tablet. He wanted to see what they were doing to Bucky.

 

"No can do, Cap. I don't want you compromised in case he escapes." Tony turned the screen so Steve couldn't see it. "J.A.R.V.I.S. and I will make sure he's okay. We will send in Agent if we have to. Why don't you get food, or something?"

 

Steve wanted to protest and argue that his place was here so he could be there for Bucky, but that wasn't Bucky in the room not far from them.

 

Clint didn't say a word as he grabbed Steve's hand and dragged him away.  The agents out in the halls gave them odd looks, but they paid no mind. Steve wanted to turn around and go back. He wanted to fight harder for Bucky and lure him out again so they could hug, and laugh about how they were lucky sons of bitches.

 

But that wouldn't happen now. Steve didn't know if there was a way to bring Bucky back. If he were to come back, it would cause complications with his relationship. Bucky was a stubborn ass just like Clint.

 

It didn't take Clint long to drag them to their room. Steve was pushed through the door in a hurry and Clint followed not too far behind him. There was a possessive gleam in those blue eyes, and it riled Steve up.

 

It made him feel guilty that Bucky wasn’t too far away from him. It wasn't right that Steve was here with Clint while Bucky was being interrogated. Tony watching over the event only served to lightened that guilt a little. Steve should be there making sure his best friend wasn't being tortured.

 

"Your feelings are written all your face," Clint murmured softly. He reached out and touched Steve's cheek, settling him just a little.

 

"I can't help it. I feel as though I should be there watching." Steve sighed as he closed his eyes. He didn't want to think about Bucky because it was hard.

 

"Babe, let me distract you." Clint removed his hand, and trailed it down Steve's body, teasing the skin under his shirt.

 

Steve didn't protest as Clint dropped to his knees, and undid the zipper to his jeans. He shouldn't be doing this, but it was what Steve needed.

 

Clint softly grasped his cock, and gave it a few short strokes. Steve's libido was always ready to jump when Clint touched him, and now was no exception.

 

"I don't know what to do with you." Clint admitted when he looked up to Steve. "I can't decide if I want to suck your gorgeous cock, eat your ass out, or fuck you."

 

Steve couldn't say a word because he wanted all those things and it made him feel ashamed. He wondered what Bucky would think if he saw him now with another man.

 

"I'm the one you need to focus on," Clint growled before swallowing Steve's cock all the way to the root . The possessiveness in his voice caused Steve to shiver. He loved hearing Clint’s voice deep with gravel.

 

There was something in the way Clint handled him that spoke to Steve that he would always be his no matter what. Steve wasn’t sure it was true, but it fueled his desire that much more. He placed a hand in Clint’s hair, steadying himself because he knew if he let go, he’d fall to his knees.

 

“You want more than this don’t you?” Clint asked when he pulled away. There was a spark in those bright eyes that promised Steve the world.

 

"Yes," Steve answered breathlessly. He wanted Clint so much it ached. He would take whatever the man would give him.

 

"Tell me what you want, babe," Clint ordered. A hand darted out, and started to play with the head of Steve's cock, drawing out a loan moan.

 

"I want your tongue," Steve managed to ground out.

 

"Where would you like it?" Clint asked. "Here?" He swiped his tongue over the slit of Steve's cock.

 

"No...no..." Steve gasped, and shuddered. He was desperately searching for something to hold onto, and keep himself grounded.

 

"Ya gotta use your words," Clint purred before swiping his tongue over a hipbone.

 

Steve arched, and cried out as Clint continued to torture his body with his tongue. He didn't know if he could say the words. If Clin continued, he would come like a teenager.

 

"My ass. God, I want your tongue in my ass." Steve didn't care if he was begging. He knew what he wanted and if he had to tell Clint to get it, then he would.

 

"Fuck, baby," Clint hissed when he looked up, and saw just how wide Steve's pupils were blown. They hadn't delved too much into BDSM, but he knew Steve was definitely going into that space Clint loved. It meant Steve still felt safe with him, and that he could still let go.

 

Clint turned Steve around despite having his jeans around his legs. He would probably regret not removing Steve's pants later, but he really needed to do this.

 

Steve's cheeks were spread wide and Clint grinned when he saw his prize. The puckered hole was spasming as if it knew what was coming.

 

Clint didn't waste a moment after that and poked his tongue against Steve's hole. It jumped at first, as if it were saying hello. He slid his tongue over the muscle a few times, and felt Steve's reaction through his hands. If Clint hadn't been experiencing this, he would have thought Steve never enjoyed rimming.

 

Steve couldn't find anything to hold onto; they weren’t near their bed, or the towel rack that hung just outside of the small bathroom after the incident in the locker room.

 

"Clint...please..." Steve tried to form a coherent sentence, but he couldn't get what he wanted out. He needed Clint desperately. He needed more than just his tongue.

 

“That’s right, baby,” Clint said as he pulled away. He didn’t think things would go this far when he wanted to get Steve’s mind off Bucky, but he would take it.  

 

Clint stood, and grabbed Steve by his hand and led him to the bed. He pushed Steve down and was able to snake his pants the rest of the way off. Clint dropped them to the floor, and climbed onto the bed; most of the time they had sleep scrunched together because there wasn’t enough room for two full grown men. Clint didn’t mind at all because it meant he had someone.

 

Steve watched with hooded as Clint crawled up his body, still clothed. He took in every purposeful movement as the man settled over him, and then leaned down for a kiss. Steve gave it everything Clint asked for without question. Clint never had to ask, or take what was freely given.

 

Clint didn’t say a word as he shimmied out of his pants. His cock was thankful for the freedom as it sprang free, and he canted his hips down to rub it against Steve’s. The reaction from Steve was immediate as he shifted his own cock up for delicious friction.

 

“You like that, babe?” Clint whispered into Steve’s ear, knowing full well what it would it do to the man.

 

“Need more...” Steve rasped back, digging his fingers into Clint’s sides. They would leave bruises, but Clint never minded because they were sexy as hell, and he knew Steve enjoyed seeing them.

 

“What do you need?” Clint knew he was teasing, but he didn’t give a damn. He had Steve where he wanted him and he was going to fuck him because it was what Steve wanted. This was the distraction he needed.

 

“Just fuck me, or I’ll ride you.” Steve growled, and knew from the smirk on Clint’s face that that was whathe wanted.

 

"Impatient aren't you? Do it then." It was a challenge Clint knew Steve would answer. He could tell by the way his lover set his jaw.

 

Steve wasted no time rolling them over so he was on top. "Lube?"

 

Clint stretched his hand out, and grabbed the bottle they always kept on the dresser. There had been no sense in hiding it because they were always too rushed to fuck each other.

 

He went to open it, but Steve snatched it from his hands. Clint watched as Steve opened the cap, and coated his fingers liberally.

 

"You get to watch," Steve rasped as he slid a finger into himself. He groaned, and ground his cock against Clint's.

 

Steve took a moment to turn around, and straddle Clint’s waist. He knew his lover had no choice, but to watch now as he stretched himself, making small sounds here and there that would drive Clint insane with want. Steve wouldn’t allow Clint to touch him because this was all about show.

 

He took his time, knowing it was driving Clint up the wall. Clint hated to watch because it meant he couldn’t touch and he was all about touching. Steve used it to his advantage most times to drive him insane. He wasn’t innocent and Clint knew that very well.

 

“Fuck, babe,” Clint whined. He clenched his fists into the sheets because he knew if he touched Steve now, the game would be off.  

 

Steve glanced over his shoulder, and gave Clint a smirk. He wouldn’t say anything because that was how he played this. It was Clint’s fault for telling him what he liked. Steve was a strategist and he would always use that to his advantage in the field, or during sex.

 

He rode his fingers for a bit longer than what was necessary, but Steve loved teasing Clint. Steve knew he was stretched enough, and withdrew his fingers. He turned back around and leaned over Clint to kiss him. It was hungry, deep, and full of that desire to fuck right now. Steve knew Clint was close to his breaking point.

 

Clint’s hands were on Steve’s hips in an instant and leading his ass towards his cock. They both knew they wouldn’t last once Clint was actually inside Steve. His fingers dug into soft flesh, and Steve let a loud moan leave his lips. It was the first sign of manhandling from Clint, and it boiled his blood with need. It was a kink and Clint took advantage of it whenever he could.

 

Steve sat up after the kiss and guided Clint’s cock to his ass. He didn’t hesitate as he sank down on it up to the hilt. He felt full, and the burn had him rocking his hips for more. Steve hardly allowed himself to adjust to Clint’s cock before moving. He liked the slow pain that came with just moving ahead.

 

“Fuck, one of these days you’re gonna kill me,” Clint rasped. His hands settled on Steve’s hips and encouraged him to move. The pace wasn’t going to stay steady for long because of the need they felt for each other.

 

“You’ll go happily.” Steve nipped at Clint’s bottom lip before he was devoured again.

 

As Clint had predicted, he was moving faster now, slamming his hips down on his cock because Steve was all fire and desire. They were crashing into each other, moving together like titans. They were feeding the need that was consuming them.

 

Clint bit at Steve’s neck, knowing the mark wouldn’t stay because of his abilities. But it still sated some need in him to see the bruises forming. He continued his quest to cover Steve as a need to mark him as his to prove that he was the one who owned Steve’s heart. It wasn’t about ownership of Steve’s body, it went deeper than that.

 

“Clint...” Steve whispered, feeling Clint’s cock brush and stay pressed against his prostate. It was something he wanted to happen again, and so when Clint pulled back, Steve pressed his ass back against him.

 

“You’re close, aren’t you, baby?” Clint repeated his movement just to prove his point and nipped at Steve’s collarbone. “You want to come undone don’t you?”

 

Steve whined and buried his face into Clint’s neck. His chest pressed against the other man’s as he continued to move his hips. He was desperate for the release that was running away from him. His own cock, hard and leaking, was rubbing against Clint’s stomach but it wasn’t enough friction.

 

“Look at you, all needy and ready to burst at any moment. You love it when I fuck you don’t you? You love my cock in your ass, making you burn with need. Fuck, baby, you’re perfect. Come for me,” Clint praised as he wrapped his long fingers around Steve’s cock and pumped.

 

Steve came with a silent scream; his body shuddering at the force of his orgasm as he painted Clint’s stomach with his come. He felt his lover go over the edge not long after him, filling his ass.

 

"Don't move," Clint finally managed to say. Steve had tried to move, and he didn't want that. Clint just liked to hold Steve in the aftermath because it was soothing to them both.

 

"Not gonna argue," Steve admitted. He placed a tender kiss to Clint's neck and promptly fell asleep.

 

\--

 

"Wow, Rogers, that's a really nice ass. Phil's blushing this lovely shade of red, and you should wake up so you can see it. I mean damn," Tony grinned as he watched Steve's head shoot up and scramble for covers, trying to save the last bit of modesty he had left.

 

"Damnit, Tony!" Clint hissed when Steve pulled his ass off his cock.

 

"Sorry, Merida, but we've got trouble. Steve’s booty call is on the prowl, and we think he's after you. Some jackass started about your sexual prowess, and he flipped his shit."

 

"Do you have his location?" Steve asked as he pulled his clothes back on. Being in the army had given him the skill to dress at a moments notice.

 

"He's currently heading to your location. He's taken down at least a dozen agents so far. You're gonna need help, capsicle, and Fury has just the thing. In the weapons room on level three is the Tesseract. You can safely use it so get your ass in gear. There's only so many agents on this death trap." Tony said before disappearing.

 

"Clint, stay out of his way." Steve ordered as he tied his boot. He stood to leave the room but Clint's hand on his arm stopped him.

 

"Hey, I survived Budapest, remember? I'm sure I can handle wonder boy. Don't worry ' bout me, kay? Just stay safe and I will do the same." Clnt gave Steve a kiss before pushing him out of the room and into the hallway.

 

There wasn't much time if Tony's hurried tone was anything to go by. Normally he wouldn't even give Steve any directions do for him to do so must have meant Phil had gone after the Winter Soldier.

 

Steve was cautious as he moved through the levels of the helicarrier. He didn't want to accidentally come across Bucky while he was under the influence of the mind control that he was under.

 

There was hardly anyone shuffling around in the hallways; their focus being on Bucky and teying to keep him occupied. Steve would have words with Fury about the Tesseract and keeping part of it on Earth later, right now he needed to keep Clint safe.

 

It wasn't much trouble getting into the room and it had to have been Fury's doing. Steve didn't think he'd have access otherwise. His opinion was well known on the Tesseract and its presence on Earth.

 

Locating the Tesseract among the various weapons in the room wasn't all that hard considering how it glowed. It was just a small sliver of the cube, Steve's hand would dwarf it considerably.

 

It was encased in a removable glass ball. Steve knew better than to touch it right that moment. He had to get closer to Bucky than a few floors if he wanted to make sure this worked.

 

He grabbed the ball and tucked it against his side. Steve knew the dangers once he exited the room and didn't want to take any chances.

 

There were too many variables involved right now and Steve was aware of every single one of them. He kept his pace fast, brushing past the agents who were trying to keep the soldier subdued. Bucky was in the middle of them with Clint in his grasp.

 

Steve’s heart stopped when he saw them and clutched the piece of the Tesseract tighter. His eyes never left Clint’s when they found his. There was a hint of fear in Clint’s blue eyes but there was also trust that Steve would get him out of this predicament.

 

“Hey there, buddy, put him down. It’s me you want.” Steve was careful as he approached Bucky; like he was a wild animal that would lash out to him. The sliver of the Tesseract was hidden in his hand. Steve couldn’t afford to give away what he was going to do.

 

Bucky looked at Clint before throwing him down to the floor. Steve flinched and sent Clint an apologetic glance before putting his focus back on Bucky. He had to be careful from this point on because Steve couldn’t alert him.

 

Steve allowed Bucky to grab him by the throat and lifted Steve into the air. The metal was cold against Steve’s neck, but it didn’t bother him. He was staring down into Bucky’s eyes and there was no hint of recognition. Whatever had been there before was not present now, and Steve had only one ace up his sleeve.

 

He called out to the Tesseract, knowing that was how this worked. He connected with it and wished desperately for Bucky to have his memory back. Steve was losing consciousness as the Tesseract glowed brightly in his hand, responding to his request and reaching into his mind to the deepest part. Memories of Bucky came up, the good and the bad and Steve pushed them forward. This was the Bucky he wanted back so much. The one who smiled and called him out on his shit.

 

They were surrounded by tendrils emitting from the Tesseract. They wrapped around Steve and Bucky. Steve couldn’t help but feel a little relieved as one touched Bucky’s head and he could feel the hand around his neck loosening.

 

Gently Steve was set down on his feet. The Tesseract stopped glowing and seemed to quit emitting its energy. There was a barely moment before Bucky pulled Steve close and gave him a deep, kiss. Steve wanted to fight it, he warred with himself because Clint was right there and he couldn’t bare for him to see this.

  
But he couldn’t fight the familiarity of Bucky’s lips. He had never forgotten how demanding Bucky’s kisses had been the years he’d been in the ice. Steve’s body sunk into Bucky’s as the other pulled him closer and kissed him like he was water for a thirsty man.


	5. What We Will Become

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is finally tired of Bucky and Clint going at each other's throats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm looking for a Beta. Go here for more info. 
> 
> http://xiophelia.livejournal.com/2251.html
> 
> Also, I loved this chapter. I felt sex would have not been appropriate and that the promise of a relationship would have fit more. I might go back and write some lovely little snippets.

It was a lazy day, one that didn’t happen too often for men like Clint and Steve. The chances they got were always spent in bed because no matter how much Steve protested; he secretly liked to spend the day just laying around with Clint. Steve had never been much for just being lazy, he always had to do something to keep him occupied. But Clint’s insistence and manoeuvring had made Steve do as he wished. It wasn’t a bad thing, Steve eventually learned. He found he liked wasting the day if it meant he could spend with Clint and not have to worry about the everyday stress that came with being a superhero.

 

Steve for once could pretend that he was a normal human with a normal relationship. There wasn’t the threat of the end of the world dangling over his head. It was a nice feeling and once he cherished; especially with Clint around. He had been afraid that since Bucky moved into the tower three weeks ago, things would be tense.

 

Well, tenser than what they had been since Bucky had kissed Steve. It was all walking on needles from that point and Steve was scared he would lose Clint. It was hard having Bucky back, he admitted. It was hard because the temptation was there but he loved Clint and there was no way he would ever cheat on him.

 

It had taken some time to explain to Bucky what had happened and what had been done to him. Apparently, the Tesseract had pulled Steve’s desires from deep within him and blocked a few of the Winter Soldier’s memories.  

 

Fury hadn't been happy that Bucky couldn't hand over vital information but there was nothing that could be done. And Steve had been surprised when Bucky decided to stay with them in the tower. He had thought Bucky would want his own to come to terms with what he had done.

 

It seemed Fury had done a full interrogation with Steve watching stonily. Even he had gone through the same questioning because Fury had thought Steve had purposely blocked the memories of the Winter Soldier. Steve knew he hadn't been the source for that particular block. He knew somehow Bucky had blocked his own memories but Steve wasn't going to let Bucky take the fall.

 

Steve buried his head deeper against Clint's chest; making him grunt from the force and waking him up. Neither man moved, preferring to continue to lie in content with each other.

 

Words weren't really needed during moments like this. They enjoyed what time they had together before rushing off into their professions. But today was different and they just basked.

 

"Besides the obvious," Clint started; breaking the silence. "What do you want to do today?"

 

The question was asked after an hour of just laying in the bed. Steve had liked the silence other than the gentle breathing of Clint.

 

"Mmm...we can take a walk around Central Park." Steve suggested as he removed his head from Clint's chest.

 

"That sounds acceptable. I'm sure Tony and Phil will be happy to get of us for a bit. Bucky isn't going to tag along is he?" Clint asked; reaching up to brush a blond hair from Steve's forehead.

 

"No, he has an appointment today." Steve knew how Clint felt about Bucky.

 

The two men had been at each others throat and it was frazzling Steve's nerves. Bucky and

Clint had the same bullheaded personality. They butted heads when it came to spending time with Steve. Clint's hackles rose whenever Bucky innocently went up to Steve and asked him to spend the day to rediscover New York.

 

Clint had been taking Steve before Bucky butted in. Steve had ways of making it up to his lover and Clint couldn't stay mad at him for long.

 

"Good, I want you to myself today." Clint's voice was husky with arousal and he surged forward to capture Steve's lips in an aggressive kiss.

 

Steve chuckled against Clint’s lips and allowed him access after a few moments. He missed this feeling of just being close to Clint and savored it. The kiss was slow, languid, but still held that dangerous edge that Steve loved. He was sure he would never tire of the way Clint kissed him; so different than Bucky.

 

“Why don’t we shower? And then we’ll head to the park.” Clint suggested when he pulled away from Steve. He slid easily out of their bed and Steve followed not far behind him.

 

His cock twitched in interest as watched Clint walk naked to the adjoining bathroom. He knew shower sex was Clint’s favorite past time but Steve wasn’t sure if they could manage it this morning. He entered the bathroom in time to see Clint start the shower and wait for it to warm it. While he did so, he pulled Steve into his arms for another kiss. It seemed that lately Clint was always kissing him like Bucky was watching from somewhere. Steve wouldn’t put it past Bucky, but he was sure his ex had more respect than that.

 

Steve followed Clint into the shower. The water was hot as they both liked it. Immediately Clint was washing Steve's; something he'd always done when they started the more physical part of their relationship. Steve didn't mind it though and he relaxed under his lover's skilled hands. If they wanted to get to the park soon; there was no time for fun.

 

"Too bad I can't have you," Clint purred. He wanted To have Steve now but there just wasn't time.

 

"Hmm I'm sure you do." Steve hummed as Clint finished up. He was teasing Clint now with little touches that were barely there and he could see how Clint’s flesh pimpled.

 

They were a mess stumbling out of the shower, but Steve wouldn’t really have it any other way. With Clint, he didn’t really think about the situation with Bucky. It was like Clint was a shining star and kept all the bad away with the way he attended to Steve; like he knew what Steve needed more than anything.

 

Kisses were stolen as they dressed themselves for their little excursion outside. Clint had on a beanie while Steve opted for a baseball cap Clint had gotten him a few weeks ago. It was Steve’s favorite and he always made sure to grab it on his way out if he didn’t want to be recognized. They didn’t want to be hassled when this was their first date out in a long while.

 

The tower was empty of life, which meant that either everyone was stuck in their room or they were busy. Of course, neither man could care right now because of the excitement that was thrumming through their bodies. They were almost like teenagers and for the first time, Steve left the tower without even thinking of taking his shield. Normally, he would hide it in his backpack but it was far from his mind as he and Steve took the back door out of the tower and skillfully blended in with the mid-morning crowd.

 

The walk to Central Park was laid back. Steve had tangled his fingers with Clint’s and beamed at him when his warm digits curled around Steve’s. Right now, they were just two people in love. There was no threat hanging in the air nor were they needed for anything at work. The day was theirs to do with as they wished and Steve didn’t feel the pressure at the back of his mind threatening to ruin the good mood that had fallen around him.

 

Steve felt that his life was finally starting to go forward and nothing could really bring him down. He kept sneaking glances at Clint, who obviously caught him but didn’t say anything about it. He was just happy to have this day to themselves and without Bucky there to interfere with his and Clint’s time, things were going smoothly.

 

They were actually enjoying the day and the lazy walk around the park. It was nice to be out of uniform and the expectations of the world wasn’t weighing heavily on Steve’s shoulders. He didn’t mind the occasional odd glances thrown at him and Clint. There were still people who didn’t believe in homsexuality but Steve wouldn’t hate them. They were entitled to their own opinion, after all.

 

Most of the morning was spent just idling wandering around the park. It had been some time since Steve and Clint had been able to just waste some hours outside of the tower. It was great to take the opportunity to reconnect again and Steve was grateful for it. He knew that staying in the tower wasn’t healthy for their relationship, especially with Bucky lurking around every corner.

 

This day was perfect and Steve should have known that somehow it would be ruined. But he was too busy basking with the way Clint would sneak little kisses when he thought Steve was distracted and how he would pull Steve close if someone looked for too long.

 

It was great to just have a normal and when Steve spotted Bucky not too far away with a hot dog in his head, his world bottomed out. He knew just how Clint would react and Steve wasn’t looking forward to it at all. He was two seconds from steering his boyfriend into another direction when Bucky caught sight of them. There was no missing the smile that crossed over his lips and Steve couldn’t hold back the moan of disappointment and exasperation.

 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Clint asked, noticing just how tense Steve was. When he looked up and caught sight of Bucky, all movement stopped and Clint’s grasp around Steve’s waist got tighter. Steve knew this was going to be a blow out and he didn’t want it to happen in such a public place.

 

“Just please, Clint, can we keep walking? I know he’s seen us but maybe we can keep going,” Steve suggested in a light tone so Bucky couldn’t hear them. He felt bad for saying what he did, but Bucky had no right infringing on their date and Steve knew his former boyfriend so well that he knew this had been done on purpose.

 

“It’ll be okay, Steve.” Clint tried to reassured Steve as they crossed the bridge and stopped halfway.

 

Clint had Steve pressed against the rail and was kissing him like he owned him. Which, in a way, Clint did. He held everything of Steve in his palm and had no clue because Steve couldn’t admit it. He kissed back, knowing that this was a show for Bucky to tell him to back off. Steve would have done it in another way but with the way Clint was pressed against him and how desperate he seemed, Steve couldn’t bring himself to pull away.

 

The clearing of a throat had Clint pulling away and staring Bucky down. It was obvious that the situation could go south fast and Steve wasn’t sure if he wanted to be around for that. Bucky wasn’t wearing his metal arm which mean he was uncomfortable. Normally, he wore on a daily basis but there were times when he was self conscious of who he had been and just went without an arm for a day.

 

“Fancy meetin’ you two here.” Bucky’s face showed no hint of being sorry for interrupting them and from his tone, he knew exactly what time Clint and Steve would show up. Steve buried his face into Clint’s shoulder and took a deep breath.

 

“Yeah, what a coinky-dink.” Clint stated dryly with a raised eyebrow. He rested a hand on Steve’s shoulder and started to massage it. He could tell just how stressed out his lover was from this encounter and that he was anticipating a fight. Clint wouldn’t do that here in front of Steve, he had more respect for their relationship than that. No, he would get his revenge another way for ruining this day.

 

“What? I happen to like the hot dogs here.” Bucky said in defense as he held up said food in his hand. Clint eyed him warily as Steve finally pulled his face from Clint’s shoulder.

 

“And you had to come on this day?” Steve asked, blue eyes narrowing at Bucky. He knew the man too well and would call Bucky on his bullshit. He had back when they lived together and he would now. Steve wasn’t one to hesitate when he knew he was in the right.

 

“Hey! My appointment went well so I decided to treat myself! It wasn’t like I knew you’d be here.” There was a defensive tone in Bucky’s voice and Steve just knew the other was lying. He didn’t want to deal with the fight that would surely happen at that moment.

 

“Yeah, Buck. I know.” Steve answered tiredly. The energy that had been with Steve all day just slipped away and he just wanted to sleep. He just wanted to go back to the tower and mope because the day that was suppose to be for him and Clint had just went down the drain. There was no saving it.

 

“Hey, don’t get all pissy just ‘cause I happened to be here. There’s a whole lotta park here and we probably won’t run into each other again.” There was an angry clip to Bucky and Steve knew if he stayed around, it would come to blows. He didn’t want that because it would draw attention and then he’d make the news, something he didn’t want to happen.

 

“I’m not getting pissy, Bucky. I’m getting tired of you interrupting my time with Clint. I know it’s hard to adjust to how things are and I’ve been patient. But I can’t let this slide anymore. I want one day with my boyfriend without having to worry about you showing up and mucking things up.” Steve rubbed his hand over his face and gave Bucky a tired glance. He loved Bucky and while in the perfect world they would be together, he had Clint. He knew Bucky would never be able to understand what they had and he hated the expression of hurt that crossed over his friend’s face. It twisted like a knife in his stomach and Steve wished he could take the words back but it was too late; they were out there.

 

“Fuck you, Rogers.” Bucky sneered and stormed off.

 

Steve wanted to chase after Bucky and take back what he had said. He wanted to desperately, but he had Clint with him and right now, Clint was more important because he had been silent throughout the whole ordeal. Eventually, Bucky would make up with Steve and things would hopefully go back to normal. He was counting on his best friend’s weakness and that after a few days Bucky would come back.

 

“C’mon, let’s get you back to the tower.” Clint said softly; like if he had spoken any louder Steve would have ran off.

 

Clint’s hand was in Steve’s and he gently led Steve out of the park and back to the tower. Steve didn’t really notice all that much on the trip, he was too busy thinking about how he could have handled meeting up with Bucky a little better. He regretted his words deeply and Bucky knew he didn’t really mean them but they were said anyway and that had to have stung.

 

The tower was as silent as they left it but J.A.R.V.I.S. did inform them that Phil and Tony were back. Tony was more than likely down in the lab and Phil was doing secret agent stuff. Clint hadn’t flinched when Phil was mentioned. It took some time but Clint was over the fact that Phil had forgotten about their relationship. They were back to the tentative friendship they had before they became a couple and Clint was happy for that at least. Steve had encouraged that Clint and Phil hang out when they could as friends. It was something he knew would mean a lot to his boyfriend and Steve was nothing but supportive about it.

 

“Why don’t we take a bath? You start the water up in our room. I’ll grab us something for the bath.” Clint suggested as he kissed Steve’s temple.

 

The smile Steve gave Clint was brilliant. There was no strain between them and he was grateful for that. He thought for sure there would be some tension once they had gotten home. Steve had been bracing himself for a fight but was surprised when it never came. There was nothing but acceptance on Clint’s part and that was enough to keep the smile on Steve’s face.

 

They parted and Steve made his way up to their bedroom. The bathtub was a huge piece and could easily fit four people into it. It was heaven after a long day of fighting and Steve would spend a couple hours just soaking in bath salts to soothe his sore muscles.

 

As he ran the water, Steve made sure to add some salts. He knew Clint would enjoy them too even though they hadn’t fought today. It would help relieve some of the stress that had built up. It would be a quiet evening and with Bucky pissed at Steve, he wouldn’t be interrupting. It was sad that Steve was relieve about it, but it was the truth. All he wanted was one day with Clint, uninterrupted. The fact Bucky had taken it from him had not only disappointed Steve, but upset him as well. He thought Bucky had adjusted to Steve and Clint being together.

 

The water was hot under Steve’s hand and he smiled. He quickly got undressed and sat on the edge of the tub. Clint was taking his time but sometimes it was hard to find what you were looking for the tower; especially if it was in the commons area. Natasha had a nasty habit of hiding things for her sick amusement.

 

Of course Steve found it amusing, especially when Tony was attempting to find his own belongings and he would try to coax it out as if it were a pet. Steve would stand and laugh silently at his best friend as he searched under couch cushions and behind the art on the walls. Tony would grouse at Steve and snap at him to help him search; which Steve would after he was done laughing.

 

“What’s got you smiling?” Clint asked from the doorway with a bottle of vodka hanging in his right hand. He had two long stemmed glasses hanging in his left and Steve smiled at the irony of it.

 

“Just thinking of Tony looking for his stuff.” Steve replied softly as he took the items from Clint with a smile and a soft kiss. He set them to the side where they wouldn’t fall and watched Clint shuck his clothes.

 

“Heh, I’m sure something will go missing again soon. Don’t worry your pretty little head.” Clint replied as he slipped down into the tub. A long moan left his lips as he sunk into the water and beckoned Steve to join him.

 

Steve didn’t waste any time as he joined Clint. He rested his body in front of Clint and leaned back into the strong chest. His head rested on Clint’s shoulder as he sunk down a little so he could do so. Clint chuckled behind him, the movement causing Steve to bounce with it. He found Clint’s hand and threaded his fingers with his lovers.

 

“I love you,” Steve whispered into the air. He knew Clint had heard him with the way his brushed behind Steve’s ear.

 

“Love you too, sweetheart.” Clint replied softly as he grabbed the bottle of vodka and started to pour some for them.

 

~*~

Steve had been reading peacefully on the couch in the common area. It wasn’t often that he could sit down for a few hours and enjoy a good book. Clint would make some small comments about the book Steve had in his hand but left it at that while he headed to the archery compound Tony had installed for him. Steve enjoyed having some time to himself and popular belief, he liked to be alone sometimes.

 

As he flipped to the next page, there was a crash from down the hall. Frowning, Steve bookmarked his spot and got up. It was strange to hear anything like that in the tower since everyone pretty much got along except when Bucky and Clint got into one of their yelling matches and even then, those were rare.

 

It didn’t take Steve long to make his way to where he had heard the crash and what he saw had his blood boiling. Bucky and Clint were face to face and Bucky’s human was buried into Clint’s shirt. They were snarling at each other and Steve could barely understand what they were saying with their grunted tones.

 

"Cut it out," Steve snapped; using his Captain America voice.

 

Both men were still until Bucky broke the silemce. "He started this by hiding my arm. I'm only finishing it."

 

Steve took a deep breath and tried to reign his temper in. This had been brewing for some time between Bucky and Clint. He wasn't really all that surprised that it had come to this. It wearing Steve out and he didn't know what else he could do.

 

"Kill each other," he started quietley, "I don't give a rat's ass anymore."

 

It was hard to walk away from the two men he loved but the stress on top of his PTSD was too much and Steve could feel the walls closing in on his mind.

 

The healing process hadn't been easy and there were still episodes to deal with but Steve's doctor was happy with his progress. It'd been a road and it still was with the constant bickering between Bucky and Clint.

 

Steve ignored thr calls from the two men behind him. He let his feet take him down to Tony's lab. Steve was always welcomed and Tony nevber minded the small distraction from his work.

 

Today, Tony could sense the unease around Steve and immediately put his tools down. His work could wait for his friends and if Steve was already looking bent out of shape then whatever was bothering him was huge.

 

"You look like shit, Steve. What did those morons do?" Tony asked, grabbing Steve by the elbow and leading him to the nearest sofa.

 

It took Steve a few moments to gather his thoughts. They were a jumbled mess and he couldn't get what he wanted to say together.

 

"They were fighting again." Steve started tentatively as if he were still in a daze. "I'm tired of them fighting, Tony. I love them both but they're driving me to the edge. My nerves can't take it much more."

 

"Did you try speaking with them?" Tony inquired as he took a seat by Steve. He had been giving advice on and off when his friend needed it and Tony himself wanted to yank a knot into Bucky and Clint for putting this stress on Steve.

 

"I did," Steve sighed as he looked down at his hands forlornly. "I just don't know what else to do. I don't want to lose either of them but I feel like that's going to happen."

 

"Damn," Tony cursed lowly. He had no clue that Steve's situation had gotten quite this bad. It was starting to show on his face and Tony knew it wouldn't be long before he snapped.

 

"Then just knock their heads together and tell them to fuck. I think that's part of the problem. They both love you but they have this attraction between them that they don't know what to do with."

 

Something inside Steve clicked and he grinned like he had won the lottery. He gave Tony a hug in thanks and marched back up to the common. What Tony had said made some sense.

 

He had been catching heated glances between the two men lately and Steve had a hunch that there was more going on. Now that Tony had put things into perspective he could settle everything.

 

It might make his relationships harder for the time being but Steve was willing to do what it took to get this under control before he exhausted himself out. Steve was more than determined to make this work and Tony's advice was the catalyst he needed in order to kick start things

 

Steve found Buky and Clint exactly where he had left them and it seemed their squabbling hadn't stopped since he had left. They were in each others face and Steve observed them for a few moments.

 

They were blaming each other for Steve walking away. The fight, it seemed, had taken on a new objective and Steve was sure he didn't like it. He wanted to know how everything had escalated to this point and how this was his life now.

 

Before Clint could throw a punch, Steve grabbed the back of each man's neck and collided their heads together. He wasn't rough with them but it was enough to hurt and bring them out of their fight. They both stared at Steve in a daze before they finally came to their senses.

 

“Come with me.” Steve demanded with a tight voice. His tone was one that was normally reserved for the field and both men followed it. They didn’t question Steve as he led him to his and Clint’s room and watched as he fiddled with a few things around it before finally setting up three chairs.

 

Bucky and Steve took their seats; Bucky holding onto his metal arm and giving Clint some not so subtle glares. Steve watched them interact for a few more minutes before clearing his throat and trying to settle his thoughts. He would need to be concise about what he wanted and get his point across quickly before he was decked.

 

“I want to have a threesome,” Steve said with a straight face, his hands in his lap as he watched the two men before him.

 

“Okay,” Clint replied. There was no hesitation really on his end even though it took him a few minutes to reply.

 

Bucky took longer reply, his face set in a grim line as he sat with his arm in his lap. Steve couldn’t push, he knew what would happen and he would lose his former lover forever if he did. The minutes ticked by and Steve was sure that he had blown it with Bucky because of his selfish desires. He couldn’t look at Bucky right now for fear of rejection.

 

Then there were fingers under Steve’s jaw, raising his head up so he could look at Bucky. Clint was staring at them both intently; like he was seeing this situation with new eyes and liked what he saw. Steve swallowed for a moment, his stomach rolling as he thought of all the reactions that would come from Bucky.

 

“Why do you want it, Steve?” Bucky asked softly. His eyes bore into Steve’s, like he would find the answer there and it would change everything between them.

 

“I’m tired of you two fighting,” Steve started, wringing his hands together. “But it’s not only that. I still love you, Bucky. I want to be happy again and have a place where I can just be myself without worrying about losing my sanity.”

 

“This is what you want, even though it may not work between Clint and me?” Busky questioned, his thumb stroking Steve’s jaw gently. It was an action that he had done many times before when they were living together and he wanted Steve to feel cherished. This was no different, Bucky wasn’t denying Steve.

 

“I want us to try, please. I’m tired of feeling lost, Buck. To have you right there and not being able to touch you. I’m sure Clint is okay with this.” Steve’s blue eyes darted to Clint, asking for permission. If Clint didn’t give it, then he would stop this whole thing.

 

“Sweetheart, this is more than fine. I’m willing to do whatever you need in order to keep you happy.” Clint said softly, standing so he could bend over Steve’s sitting form. He pressed a kiss to his lover’s forehead and ran a hand through his blond hair.

 

“Thank you,” Steve whispered and turned his head up for a kiss. Clint granted him his wish before he turned to Bucky.

 

Bucky didn’t need to be told twice and had his lips against Steve’s in a gentle lock. It was so familiar and Steve couldn’t help but lean into him. He felt Clint at his back and soon Steve was standing and being led to the bed. It would be big enough to fit all of them so they wouldn’t have to worry about room.

 

Steve was slotted between Bucky and Clint with Clint at his back and Bucky in front. It seemed that Clint wanted Steve to have this time with his former boyfriend and didn’t mind spooning behind him. The slight press of his body reminded Steve that Clint was there and he wasn’t going anywhere. They were in this new path together and nothing would keep them separated.

  
Bucky buried his nose into Steve’s neck and took a deep breath, taking in the scent he had missed for seventy years and memorizing it again. He wouldn’t forget this time, he wouldn’t allow himself. Bucky would fight tooth and nail to stay by Steve’s side and eventually Clint’s. It would take time but they could build on this and support Steve the way he deserved. It was a promise that was unspoken when he glanced up at Clint. They would protect Steve and give him everything he deserved. 


End file.
